


Scintillate

by flordemens



Category: GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2018-12-30 09:08:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 34,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12105399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flordemens/pseuds/flordemens
Summary: As a kid, I would fall down, scrape myself and cry.I would wish for something to make the pain go away, for someone to comfort me.It would be years later before I found out menders existed;with hearts of gold that were mangled and beaten by the very world they lived in.





	1. Chemical Kids and Mechanical Brides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> __
> 
> _"All the nightmares you'll see tomorrow  
>  All the stars on your ceiling  
> They glow but not for you"_

"Yuri!"

I blinked and came out of my reverie as I looked to my left, my best friend Ji Eun scowling at me as usual.

"What is it?" I say a bit irritated. 

"Don't get mad at me, the only way I can talk to you is if I yank them out of your ears." She began to frantically point at the headphones that were in her hand. "Yeah?! Well, you could be less violent about it and just tap me on the shoulder or something." I sent her a glare as I retrieved them from her death grip. 

"But you haven't even heard what I need to tell you!" Ji Eun always said shit like that, making it sound urgent when it really wasn't. I rolled my eyes, already regretting my decision to ask. "What's so important this time?" I glanced at her, barely realizing how flushed and red she was from her face. 

Did she run?

"I got my burn mark today. You'll never guess who it is!"

Oh _fuck_.

"I- Jesus, that's huge news!"

At that point, I was trying to compose my face while trying not to have a full-blown anxiety attack.

"I know! I can't even believe who it is either. It's Kim Taehyung! I used to think he was so adorable when we were little but I never thought he'd end up being my soulmate!"

My mind was swirling while trying to process everything. Kim Taehyung was a wonderful guy and he was perfect for Ji Eun. I never knew she had known him since they were kids though? Was I missing something?

"I'm just so glad he's not a mender! I always had that fear in the back of my mind, you know? I mean, who would want to lose their soulmate to the government like that."

Ji Eun had yet to realize I hadn't said a word.

"Look! I'm getting goosebumps just from the thought!" I stared at her arm, not willing to look up. Eventually, I got my shit together and forced a smile on my face. I quickly grabbed her hand and said, "That's great news, Ji. I wish you all the happiness in the world, you deserve it. Just don't ditch me, yeah? I'll miss you and hunt you down if you totally forget about me!" I laughed a little and punched her lightly for full effect. "And forget about the mender thing. You're safe now. Don't worry about such useless things."

\----------

_The next day, I was on my way to psychology class when I spotted Ji Eun from far away. I started to walk faster so I could catch up to her, but I just didn't seem to be fast enough. When I finally caught up to her, I immediately put my hands on my knees and attempted to catch my breath._

_I should really exercise more._

_I looked up from my knees to see Ji Eun standing there calmly, smiling and talking to someone. I couldn't see their face because their back was turned to me, but they had a nice blue leather jacket and vibrant orange hair. They looked familiar to me._

_Where had I seen that leather jacket before?_

_I decided to walk up to both of them, saying hi to Ji Eun first. When I turned to greet her friend, I instantly backed up out of fear._

_"Ji Eun, what the hell!" I screeched, putting both of my shaking hands over my mouth._

_**They didn't have a face, just bandages wrapped around where their face should be.** _

 

I woke up in a cold sweat.

"What the fuck was that?!" I yelled angrily, facing my wall. I covered my mouth with my hand as the person in the dorm next to me kicked the wall, yelling for me to shut up.

The talk with Ji Eun about menders must have really fucked me up. All of us were scared to have a mender soulmate. They had the purest souls; born with abilities to heal. The government had found a way to use that to their advantage. It saved lives but ended others.

I flopped back onto my bed, not wanting to think about the topic anymore.

But....that blue leather jacket person. _I know I've seen them before._


	2. I Wanna Be Yours

_"Secrets I have held in my heart_  
Are harder to hide than I thought  
Maybe I just wanna be yours  
I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours" 

I mouthed the words, lost in the mellow tune flowing through my ears.

I loved music so much. I truly believed it could heal.

Maybe it couldn't help with the _horrid_ dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep, but it could uplift the rotten mood I woke up in.

_"Wanna be yours,"_

I looked away from the bus window to see vibrant orange hair in front of me.

_"Wanna be yours,"_

Hahaha, wait. _Now I was just seeing shit._

_"Wanna be yours"_

I stared at the back of the person, willing for the illusion in front of me to go away. 

Minutes passed by and the person with bright orange hair was still there, right in front of me. As soon as I started to realize that maybe I wasn't hallucinating, the bus stopped. 

The person lazily got up and walked off the bus.

_They had a black leather jacket on though..._

I turned up the volume on my phone, trying to drown out the thoughts of that dream.

It was just a dream.

**A nightmare.**

There was no meaning behind it.

\----------

"If I have to listen to this lecture for five more minutes I'm gunna stab my eyes out."

"That's something I wouldn't mind seeing, actually." I sniggered while facing forward, still paying attention to the lecture.

"Well, aren't you just a bucket of sunshine today."

"Hoseok, we can't all have the sun shining from out of our ass as soon as we wake up. Sometimes people need a pick me up, like you stabbing your eyes out. It'd make me laugh." I turned to grin in his direction. He put his hand over his chest, playfully offended. "You're so brutal in the mornings. Why am I friends with you?!"

"Because you copy my homework for this class, and in exchange, you take the brutality that is my personality. It’s a fair exchange, don't you think?"

Hoseok sat there and gave me the most insulted look he could muster. I cracked up at the sight. 

I stared at him as he resumed paying attention to the lecture. Truthfully, I was so grateful for him. Hoseok had been my best friend for five years now and basically knew everything about me. Along with Ji Eun, I couldn't complain. They were everything to me.

"Oh come on, you know you love me!" I giggled as I sent him several finger hearts to make up for my attitude. 

"Tch, you're lucky I do."

"Love you tooooo."

"Hey, you two love birds, take it somewhere else. Some people are actually trying to learn."

"Oh please Minji, the only thing you study is the dirt under your nails." Hoseok cackled next to me as she turned around, muttering curses under her breath.

Minji had always been a grade A bitch. Since our first year, she had made it obvious that she didn't like me. I honestly didn't know what stick was shoved up her ass and for some reason, she thought I was dating Hoseok.

Hoseok was like a brother to me and he felt the same way. We had agreed a year ago that we wouldn't mind if we got each other’s names for our burn marks, but that agreement didn't last long because soon after that his burn mark appeared with the name Yoon Soo Ah. They immediately started dating since then and I couldn't be any happier for them.

I sighed.

_When would I get my burn mark?_

"Hey, Yuri, class is over. You coming?"

"Oh! Yeah. Hold on." I quickly grabbed my stuff and followed him out of class.

"So, what are you doing for the rest of the day?" He asked, keeping his gaze fixated on his friends that were waiting for him some feet away.

"Mmmm....dunno. I might just continue to be the hermit that I am and go home, jump into my blankets, and watch a drama." I smiled widely at the thought of such comfort.

"You never change." He laughed and looked my way. "You should come and hang out with us some time. When my girls around too, so you don't feel so awkward. It can't be good at our age for you to be indoors all the time. Going out for class doesn't count either!"

I scowled, a bit offended. I was an introvert, but I didn't think I was  _that_ bad.

"Hang out with your bundle of loud friends? I'll pass. I, a 21-year-old university student, shall do as I please."

To that, Hoseok just rolled his eyes. He knew better than to try to change my ways.

The idea sounded tempting. Having a social life would be nice, but his friends were a bit too much for me. I'd probably end up yelling and telling them to sit down and shut up at some point.

"Well, I'm gunna go. Get home safely, okay?" He said as he leaned in for a hug.

"Yeah, I- I-" I stumbled over my words because my brain couldn't process what I was seeing.

Behind Hoseok, in his group of friends, was a guy with orange hair. Except today, _he was wearing a blue leather jacket._


	3. Jesus Christ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> __
> 
> _"I know you're coming in the night like a thief_  
>  But I've had some time alone to hone my lying technique  
> I know you think that I'm someone you can trust  
> But I'm scared I'll get scared and I swear I'll try to nail you back up" 

I was curled up in bed enjoying Weightlifting Fairy when I felt my phone vibrate beside me.

" _Seriously_ Ji Eun, I'm in the middle of something. What could be so urgent?!"

"Oh? Is that something watching dramas while eating pizza?" I stared at the half-empty box of pizza on my lap. "No..."

"Right, we all know you're _such_ a social butterfly." I scoffed at her sarcasm. "That's why you should come out with me tonight."

"Honestly, Hoseok already asked me to hang out with him and his friends and I told him no. I don't really feel like going out anywhere." The line went silent for a few seconds before she replied with a huff. "Not even to meet my soulmate? I want you guys to meet and get along!"

Oh, this was so not fair. How dare she play the guilt card?!

"Why tonight of all nights?! Couldn't it be like, I don't know, next weekend?"

"No! It can't be next weekend! I need you to meet him now so you can see how adorably cute he is. He makes me want to explode, Yuri!" I grimaced at everything she was saying. She couldn't be serious. "That's all...? That's the reason why?"

"Well, also because it turns out he's Hoseok's really good friend. We're all gonna hang out and it wouldn't be the same without you! You're the life of the party." I squinted. A huge introvert like me being the life of the party? Now she was just plain desperate.

"Fine, I'll go, but just for a little bit." Ji Eun screeched from the other line, not even making any sense anymore. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm so excited! You're really gonna love Taehyung!"

"Yeah? Well, we'll see about that."

\----------

I decided to go in something comfortable but still nice. I tied my black docs and looked up at the semi-long burgundy dress. It was loose but hugged my body just right. At least, I'd like to think so. I put on some makeup, dark burgundy lipstick to match. I sighed as I observed myself in the mirror. I breathed in and out, reminding myself that this outing would go by quickly and that I would be fine. I just needed to endure it.

\----------

I arrived at the club fifteen minutes early.

How was I supposed to get to know Taehyung in this loud environment?

I huffed and sat down at the bar, mindlessly tapping my fingers on the counter. I couldn't seem to ease the anxiety climbing up my throat. Then, I quickly remembered the headphones that I had stuffed in my purse. I knew it was going to look beyond out of place since there was already music blasting, but it didn't matter to me.

I put them in my ears and let the music soothe out my nerves. As a habit of mine, I began to mouth the words. Looking up from my phone, I hadn't realized someone had sat next to me.

_"Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face”_

It was the guy with orange hair and fucking blue leather jacket. He suddenly turned to look at me and _holy shit_ were the lyrics spot on. I just continued to stare at him like an idiot, mouthing the words of the song unconsciously.

_“The kind you'd find on someone I could save"_

I observed how his vibrant orange hair fell in beautiful layers and framed his face, how cute his nose was, and how plump his lips were. Who the fuck was this guy, why was he friends with my best friend, why had I never seen him before, and why was he....was he trying to talk to me?

_Oh god._

I swiftly yanked the headphones out of my ears, just like Ji Eun would, and stifled a yelp of pain. Apparently, I hadn't been successful in hiding my pain, because cute leather jacket guy noticed and giggled, his eyes turning into half-moons.

I had the sudden urge to run. What decided to trigger my anxiety puzzled me, but I felt the need to leave. I stood up so suddenly that he seemed caught off guard, the half-moons vanishing from his eyes in an instant.

"Hey, are you alright?"

I swallowed hard.

What a lovely voice.

When I didn't answer, he continued, "Ah, I didn't mean to scare you or anything, I just noticed you hugging Hoseok earlier and thought you were his friend." I felt so bad because he had such genuine concern written all over his face. "I- uhm- I..."

I took several deep breaths so I could calm down. I didn't need to let my anxiety get the best of me.

"I'm fine, thank you." I sent him a tight smile that didn't reach my eyes, but I hoped it was enough. I sat back down on the stool and began to tap on the counter of the bar again, counting the taps to calm myself all the way down. Meanwhile, leather jacket guy just kept staring at me. Was there something on my face? Or was there lipstick on my teeth? _Crap._

"Here, look at my face for a minute."

At that point, I couldn't have been more confused. Was he some kind of narcissist or something?

Just as I turned to look at him, he broke out into the silliest monkey face I had ever seen. I immediately burst into a fit of giggles as he swayed from side to side, not caring that the bartender was judging him from behind the counter.

He stopped and looked at me, laughing with his teeth this time. His smile was so dazzling that I stopped giggling.

"Awe man, should I do it again? Are you okay now?"

Did he do that….because he noticed I was nervous?

_No fucking way._

"I'm much better now, thank you." I sent him a genuine smile this time.

A few seconds of silence passed. I gazed at the headphones in my hand, then at him. I repeated this several times before getting the courage to ask.

"Did I look like I was freaking out that badly? I mean, you had to resort to making a stranger laugh. I'm sorry." I laughed a small, nervous laugh. 

"You looked like you were about to die from lack of air." I looked up, only to see him with a smug smile on his face. "Well, it's not my fault a guy in a stupid leather jacket took all the oxygen," I mumbled under my breath.

"What was that?" He said, before taking a swig of the beer he had just ordered. "Huh? Oh, nothing. So...how do you know-"

"YURI!!!" I winced at the sound of Ji Eun's voice. She always did know how to make an entrance.

I saw how everyone was flowing in through the door behind her, Hoseok and his girlfriend, the rest of his friends who I didn’t know that well, and of course, _the_ Kim Taehyung.

It was finally time to do my least favorite thing.

_Socialize._

I got up and gave Ji Eun and Hoseok a hug, greeting everyone else politely. I weirdly felt someone staring holes into the side of my face. In my peripheral vision, I could see a blur of blue and orange.

There really must be something wrong with my face.

\----------

We all moved to a huge booth in the back corner of the club.

Ji Eun insisted that I should sit next to her and Taehyung, which was fine, but why did leather jacket guy - who I found out was named Jimin from everyone else who greeted him - have to sit next to me? Hadn't I embarrassed myself enough already?

I tried to ignore how aware I was of Jimin's presence and turned to face Taehyung. 

"So how did you guys meet?" Taehyung first responded with an adorable boxy smile.

Okay, Ji Eun might have been right about the amount of adorable. I rested my chin on my palm and waited for the cute story to commence.

"Well Ji Eun, Jimin, and I have been childhood friends since we were little. We did grow apart and hadn't talked in an extremely long time, but I couldn't be happier to have her as my soulmate." As he said all of this, it looked like he was vibrating with nothing but excitement. He turned to gaze at Ji Eun lovingly. "I always did have a bit of a crush on her." Ji Eun blushed and ducked her head.

The whole scene was just so cute, it made me wanna gag.

But why didn't Ji Eun tell me anything before? That was what confused me the most. She would mention Taehyung occasionally, but never Jimin. I wonder why that was...

"You guys are too cute." I grinned at them, genuinely happy for them both. "Just treat my best friend right, okay? That's all I ask."

\----------

I was outside of the club watching everyone say goodbye to each other while I leaned against a wall, casually trying not to die.

After the discussion with Ji Eun and Taehyung, everyone had gotten really rowdy and loud after a few drinks.

I couldn’t handle the amount of craziness that was going on around me and I knew Ji Eun would never let me leave, so I stuck a headphone in my left ear and kept downing shot after shot.

Jimin was to my left and kept saying I should probably slow down, but I paid him no attention. If I was gonna be made to socialize, I might as well have fun. I might as well _feel_ like I’m having fun.

But now I felt regret as the world in front of me swirled. So maybe, _maybe_ , Jimin was right.

“YUUUUUUUUURIIIIII!!!!” I looked to my right, too horribly fast for my drunk self to keep up with as I immediately got dizzier. All I knew was that it was Ji Eun coming up to me.

She briskly grabbed me from the wall and hugged me so hard I thought I’d puke.

“GET OFF OF MEEEEE!” I screeched, trying hard not to slur my words.

"I- I JUSTH LUB YOUUU SOO MUA-"

A slightly sober Taehyung came and peeled her away from me, cackling at how drunk Ji Eun was. The lack of something to lean on left me feeling off balance and I stumbled backward.

I then fell right on my ass.

Classy.

"Do you need some help getting up?" Someone said, their breath tickling my left ear. I glanced up to my left, pouting for no damn reason other than I couldn't control my emotions from how fucking drunk I was. I snapped out of it once I realized who had asked the question.

"Ooh, forrr fucks s-sake, not you agaaaain." I withdrew into myself, arms over my knees. When did it get so damn cold? I plopped my head over my arms, still looking at Jimin blankly. His face flashed confusion but soon realized I was still staring at him, so he sent me a smile and asked again.

"You are succhhh a niiiice person. Why are you being so nice?" I continued as he pulled me up. "Is being nice a crime?" He questioned, looking up from under his eyelashes with a bit of a smirk.

"Noooo, 'course not! You just look like a bad ass with the leather jacket, so I thought you'd have that _vibe_ , ya know?! Am I even making sensth? Fuck." I closed my eyes and held my head, the world once again going out of focus.

I tried to open my eyes again but failed to do so.

I just let the pitch black darkness consume me instead.


	4. Somebody Told Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> __
> 
> _"Breakin' my back just to know your name  
>  But heaven ain't close in a place like this"_

_"Can't you just be normal for once?!"_

_"See this icy white eye? I haven't been normal since the day I was born!" Jin shouted that last part to the sky, exuding happy confidence. I couldn’t help but admire how comfortable he was in his own skin._

_"Yeah, you're right. I don't know why I have such expectations of you!" My eyes grew wide, waiting for his predictable reaction. "You have a death wish today, don't you?" He snickered, rolling his neck._

_Uh oh._

_I immediately run for my life, screaming and laughing at the silliness of it all._

_He surprised me from behind and swiftly locked me in a tight bear hug._

_"I GOT YOU!"_

_I struggled in his grip for a few seconds, giggling in between tries until he finally let go._

_"Jin, why are you so damn tall and strong, I can never w-"_

_All of a sudden, I felt goosebumps rise upon my skin. The air around me turned cold._

_Before I could even turn around, Jin had my hand in his and we were running._

\----------

**Recurring dreams were _awful_. They were even worse when they were memories you'd tried to bury deep within the recesses of your mind.**

It was Monday morning and I was on the bus on my way to class, drowning my lack of sleep in music as per usual. I needed something to fade out all of the raw emotions I was feeling.

I thought I had finally gotten through the worst of it a long time ago.

I felt a pull on my right ear.

"Hey classy lady, thanks for replying to my texts this weekend!"

"Ji Eun, I had the hangover from hell! I don't even remember how I got home. I mean, did I fucking crawl? Either way, my toilet and bed were my best friends for the weekend." I put my fingers to my temple, feeling a slight headache coming on. "I'm never drinking again." I slumped further to the left, squishing my cheek into the window.

Ji Eun stayed quiet for what seemed like ages, and then mumbled out something I couldn't really hear.

She was mumbling. Ji Eun never mumbled.

"What did you say? I couldn’t hear you." I questioned, taking out my other headphone.

"I said, it was Park Jimin."

Park Jimin.

Jimin.

JIMIN?!

Orange haired, stupidly attractive leather jacket guy.

I felt fear slowly crawl up my spine.

"Uh, what about him?"

"He's the one who took you home."

I stared at her dead in the eyes and let out a small laugh. She couldn't be serious. Why would she let a stranger take me home?

"I don't even know the guy. He doesn't even know where I live. That's impossible. It must have been Hoseok or-"

"Look, from what I remember, Hoseok had to take his girlfriend home because she started feeling sick. I guess she has a super weak stomach when it comes to alcohol.”

She glanced up at me then began playing with her fingers.

“So, I ended up just giving him your address..." My brows came together in a scowl as she tried to explain. "See, I was so drunk and Jimin looked so concerned for you! I just found your name on my phone and handed it to him." She attempted to crack a smile as if I wasn't raging from embarrassment right in front of her.

Why had I fucking drank that day?

_Why, why, why?!_

"Wait. You- you have my address in your contacts?"

"Well yeah, I can never seem to remember it."

"Wha- I'm- Other than the fact that we've been friends for over five years, just….why him!?”

"You literally know no one else in the group!”

Well, she had a point there.

“Plus, I saw you guys talking when we walked into the club, so I didn’t think it was that much of an issue. What's the big deal? He's a gorgeous human being."

"That's not even the point! I was so trashed and embarrassing! He's a total stranger and I made a fool of myself!" I buried my face in my hands, but quickly dropped them and glared at Ji Eun with a raised brow at my realization. "You have Taehyung now, you know."

"I know, and he's beautiful in every way. I still have eyes though, Yuri. No one can deny that Park Jimin is fine as hell."

"I can."

Ji Eun didn't seem too convinced, subtly staring holes into me with her face tilted to the side. I tried to change the subject instead.

"Didn't you grow up with him, too? At least, that's what Taehyung said... But you've never mentioned him before."

I gave her the same expression she had given me earlier, now tilting my head to the side. Ji Eun averted her gaze and began to fidget uncomfortably in her seat. I immediately felt guilty. I didn't mean to make her uncomfortable.

"Ji....? If you don't want to tell me its fi-"

"I used to have a crush on him, okay!" She snapped, saying it so fast it all jumbled up together. "It was like the hugest crush I've ever had on somebody. I even confessed to him, it was all so embarrassing! It makes me cringe so badly every time I think about it."

Well, I _never_ saw that coming, but the shock quickly wore off.

"Why are you smiling at me like that? It's creepy!" Ji Eun whisper-yelled, making my smile go wider. "Are you gonna tell me all about it? Pleeeeaaaase tell meee." I showed her the best puppy eyes I could muster and she gave in instantly. I was just so damn curious.

"Fine, I'll tell you later on the way to lunch." She crossed her arms with a huff.

Little did I know that I would regret my curiosity much later.

\----------

Basically, Jimin was Ji Eun's first love.

Watching her talk about it all was adorable, but I felt a pang in my chest when she told me she had confessed to him and had been rejected.

"He told me apart from not seeing me that way, he couldn't ever betray Tae like that. I was in shock. I was thirteen and selfish. I didn't care that someone else so deserving and beautiful liked me, I just resented Jimin for rejecting me."

I looked at her with wide eyes. Ji Eun was many things, but she was hardly ever a bitch.

"I stopped talking to them both on purpose. A year later I found out through some girls in my class who liked Jimin as well, that he had moved away. I felt horrible, Yuri. Taehyung was left all alone and I felt like it was my fault. I never reached out to him out of cowardice all these years."

We were now sitting in a cafe near our university to have lunch. I said nothing and just let her continue, a million questions swirling around in my head.

Only one in particular kept repeating itself, nagging at my brain.

Jimin moved away?

"Until we got our burn marks. He had bounced over to me in the cafeteria and said, 'looks like you can't get rid of me this time, I'm yours forever now!' He's forgiven me so easily and I don't know how to deal with it, honestly."

"I think he just loves you. He'd probably forgive you for anything. As they say, love is blind."

Ji Eun peered up at me while pouting, lettuce sticking out of her mouth from the salad she was eating. I sniggered and took a bite of my sandwich, knowing she needed the push I was about to give her.

"If you really feel so guilty and horrible about it all, why don't you just tell Taehyung what you've told me? I'm sure he'll understand and maybe already know half of it." Ji Eun squealed at the realization. "He's not literally blind, you know. I'm sure he knew at some point that you liked Jimin."

She looked down at her salad, twirling her fork in it mindlessly.

"I guess you're right. He deserves to know." She sighed and fidgeted in her chair, looking out of the window. "I'm just scared he'll resent me. We may be soulmates, but he doesn't have to love me forever. It doesn't always work out."

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. If this girl couldn't see how in love Taehyung was with her, she was hopeless.

"It'll be fine. Trust me."

I stared at her until we both broke out into smiles and started laughing.

\----------

We were on the bus back to the dorms after a long day at school and the only thing I was able to think about since lunch was why Jimin moved back here. If he moved away, why hadn't he just stayed there? It wasn't like I hated the guy... It was just normal curiosity.

I glanced to my right and observed how Ji Eun was staring at her phone like an idiot. It took all of my strength to keep it together and not cackle at the sight.

"Hey Ji, I have a question." She immediately put her phone down, still blindingly smiling. "Okay, shoot." I looked down at my hands, suddenly self-conscious of how nosy I was being. "Ah, uh, you said Jimin moved away. Do you know why? Or why he decided to come back here? I just find it really weir-"

Ji Eun abruptly leaned in and whispered rapidly, "Someone in his family is a mender."

"Wait, what?"

She exhaled as she met my eyes again, the weight of what she'd just said slowly sinking in.

_What kind of sick joke was this?_


	5. Sensible Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"At times so self destructive_  
>  With no intent or motive  
> But behind this emotion,  
> There lies a sensible heart  
> A sensible heart" 
> 
> **"I hope to learn as time goes by  
>  That I should trust what's deep inside  
> Burning bright, oh burning bright  
> My sensible heart"**

Ji Eun waited until we were back at the dorm to tell me anything else.

She put down her bag and sat cross-legged on my bed while I sat down on the stiff chair at my desk, gripping the metal edges so tightly my knuckles turned white.

So what if someone from his family was a mender? It had nothing to do with me. _It was not going to affect me._

"I don't know who in his family is a mender, alright? I just know that someone from his father’s work found out and his family got so scared they moved away."

"So why would he come back?” I said, with far more force than intended and Ji Eun jolted in surprise, not used to me raising my voice. "His family stayed over there in Busan, he's the only one that moved back to Seoul. I really don't know why. Maybe he missed Tae?"

Maybe, or maybe he wanted a better education? Yeah, right.

I stared at the carpeted floor, completely lost in my own thoughts. My own memories.

"Why are you so interested in why Jimin moved and came back anyway?" She said while glaring at me, rotating her jaw. Ji Eun caught me off guard and I really had no immediate answer. I just gawked at her with my mouth open, willing words to come out. "Is it possible that maybe that block of ice you call a heart, has finally defrosted?!"

I swiftly grabbed an eraser from my desk and threw it at her, thoroughly offended by her remark. Leave it to Ji Eun to lighten up the mood without even trying.

"Excuse me!? I've had a few crushes before! I just don't see the point in liking someone when we're going to eventually get burn marks anyway."

"You do understand you need to know people in order to get a burn mark, right? You only know me and Hoseok and we both have burn marks!" She exclaimed.

"Ugh… It's not that I don't _want_ to get to know anybody. I just don't particularly feel like getting close to anybody anymore." Ji Eun stood up from her position on the bed and engulfed me in a hug. "I can see it still hurts you, I can see it in your eyes. You keep saying you'll tell me someday, but it's been more than five years, Yuri. You have to start letting people in. You can't live your life isolated like this.”

_I can._

“You can trust me."

_I want to._

She came out of the hug to look at me in the eyes, and I felt my throat close up; not allowing any air to fill my lungs.

I couldn't tell her. No one needed to feel sorry for me.

The burden I carried was mine alone.

\----------

_"We took her in because we thought she was normal and could give us a semblance of a typical family! Now we have two kids who are a danger to our lives. What the hell are we supposed to do now?"_

_“They can’t keep burdening us like this. The government will eventually find out at this rate. We need to think of something fast."_

 

**Daydreaming. I hated daydreaming too.**

I took my right earbud out and stared at the front of the bus, casually watching people climb in and out. As I continued to observe thoughtlessly, a spot of orange hair crossed my vision and I instantly felt my heartbeat speed up in nervousness.

The leather jacket was red today, but I knew without a doubt it was Jimin this time.

The information that he had taken my drunk ass home the other night resurfaced in my mind and I felt all the blood rush to my face.

I couldn't be here.

What if he decided to talk to me? Wait, why would he? We didn't know each other that well, after all.

Before I could process what to do, the orange spot in my peripheral vision seemed to be coming down the aisle, triggering the chaos in my brain to run rampant.

_Shit._

I ducked my head and pretended to stare at my phone, aimlessly scrolling through it. To my pleasant surprise, he ends up walking right past me. I immediately felt relief, but then a twist in my gut wondered why he didn't recognize me.

"I know your secret."

I froze my movements, in complete shock from what was occurring.

Jimin was leaning over the back of my seat with his breath hitting my ear.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I breathed out, trying hard to stabilize the rapid beating of my heart.

_He’s so damn close._

My eyes went wide as I reminded myself that I didn’t remember much of what happened the night he took me home. Here was hoping I hadn't revealed too much about myself.

"Wow, you really do curse like a sailor."

I glared at him. I was really starting to find that smirk of his offensive.

"It's just that Hoseok always talks about you and since I had to take you home last Friday, I got a mouthful." He laughed, completely amused at what had happened. "I was definitely amazed. I didn't know someone could curse so much in a span of five minutes."

A tomato, that's what I was. I guaranteed I looked just like a fucking tomato from my face.

I was going to kill Hoseok the next time I saw him.

"Can I sit next to you?" 

I felt a piece of my heart shrivel up at his words, but instead of freaking out, I pushed all my feelings down and composed myself.

"Yeah, sure."

"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. It seems like I'm always apologizing to you, too." He smiled genuinely at me and all the anger I had felt vanished in an instant.

I didn't like this.

"No, you guys are right. I just feel like it makes speaking a little more interesting." I smiled smugly but looked down gradually as I continued, "Also, don't be sorry. If anything I should apologize for being so stupid that night. Taking a stranger to their house must have been a hassle."

"It wasn't at all," He said, looking me dead in the eyes. "O-oh well, thank you for taking me home anyway." I bowed a little in my seat, truly meaning it.

The silence thickened as he said nothing in return, staring out of the window behind me intensely. I turned to where he was looking, only to see people milling around on the sidewalk as usual. As I took my gaze back toward him, I decided to try and make the most of this embarrassing situation. "So, what did I do after I blacked out?" I asked sheepishly.

I caught a glimpse of concern on his face as he looked behind me, and then glanced at me to reply, "Well, the dorms were close so I just carried you. Your security wouldn't let me in though and I almost thought I would have to take you to my house, but they ended up letting me through after some convincing." He finally sat down with his eyes formed into crescents, apparently satisfied with himself.

Jimin was suddenly back to being a complete sunshine, smiling with all his might. It was truly blinding to look at. I blinked several times just to calm myself down from the blush that threatened to creep up my cheeks again.

"I think it was because of my boyish good looks and charm."

My god. I was right the first time, wasn't I? He was a complete narcissistic goof.

I guess he sensed my silent judgment because he cleared his throat and continued, "When I finally got up to your dorm, I laid you down on your bed and I was trying to put a blanket around you, but you were having a fit in your sleep or something. I just kept hearing a string of curses under your breath and then at the end you calmed down and said my name. I just assumed they were all directed at me?" I could see he was trying very hard not to laugh as I was once again beet red in the face.

Sure, I was embarrassed because I had said his name, but it seemed like I was having a nightmare and I was pretty sure I knew who it was about.

"But when I was about to leave, you said another name."

"What?" I gulped in panic, my hands beginning to sweat profusely. I squeezed the headphones in my hands so tight I felt the imprints they’d leave on my skin.

"You said Jin."

He seemed to be waiting for a reaction, but I schooled my face to be blank through the tears threatening to surface.

"Is he an ex or something? Maybe you confused me with him."

"Oh yeah, maybe." I timidly smiled, swallowing down the lump in my throat. I couldn't believe I had exposed myself that way. 

I grabbed and pulled the cord for the bus to stop.

"I have to go now, but thank you for taking care of me." I got up and bowed, then headed straight for the exit without looking back.

He knew way too much already. Looking at his bright personality that I was seemingly drawn to, he'd no doubt end up finding out more.

And I just couldn't allow that.

\----------

I watched her leave at the speed of light.

Had I said something wrong?

I ruffled my hair, messing it up as I sighed in frustration. She was so timid around me compared to how she was with everyone else. Did she hate me?

I sat back in my seat and groaned.

I had never met anyone who wasn't immediately drawn to and comforted by my presence; healed by the aura that I gave off.

It was puzzling.

What an odd girl, indeed.

\----------

"Hey Jimin, where have you been?"

"I missed my bus stop, so I had to reroute. Did you miss me that much, Tae?"

"Shut up. Hoseok was just asking where you were and you wouldn't answer your phone." He stuck his tongue out and bounced away to his room.

I plopped down on the couch, still thoroughly confused how Hoseok could be best friends with Yuri, yet I couldn't even get her to trust me even a little. She never seemed to be comfortable in my presence. I wanted to be able to get along with her since she meant a lot to Hoseok…

"Hey! Earth to Jimin!" I unexpectedly see a pair of fingers snapping in front of my face and I moved to smack them out of the air as I giggled.

"Why are you so out of it?"

"It's nothing, I was just thinking about some things."

"Oh? You want to talk about it?"

Hoseok sat down next to me, concern twisting his features.

"Not really...." I hesitated. I didn't want to be nosy. I knew it was none of my business.

"Well, when I took Yuri home she said some strange things."

"Yeah? Like what? Did she curse, because man, can that girl go at it! There should be some sort of competition for it."

I stared at Hoseok in silence while I worked up the courage to ask him.

"Did she ever have a boyfriend named Jin?"

That was subtle....right?

I ran a hand through my hair, knowing full well that it wasn't my place and that being curious wasn't enough of a reason to pry into her life. She was basically a stranger to me and yet... I felt  _drawn_ to her presence.

Could she be like me?

There were ways to hide it, of course, but a mender could always sense another’s presence.

I didn’t get that strong aura from her though.

"Mmmm no, that's impossible."

I felt an invisible weight lift from my chest.

"Why?" I pressed on, even more curious now.

"She's never had a boyfriend. She says she doesn't see a point when we get burn marks anyway, which is true." Hoseok shrugged. "Where did you even get that name?"

"She said it in her sleep."

"O-Oh. Well, I'll ask her about it, because I don't know about a Jin either." His face was lost in thought for a moment, scowling at our apartment’s tiled floor. Then he suddenly smiled wide.

"Why are you so curious?" He questioned as he scooted closer to me. "Relieved she doesn't have a boyfriend?" He teased while poking me in the chest repeatedly. "Huh? Huh?!"

"I swear, that's not it! I was just curious." I put my hands up in defense. "I'm innocent!" I exclaimed, grinning. It was only half true, but he didn't need to know that. "That's too bad, I feel like you guys would make a great couple!" He beamed, satisfied. I blinked for a second as the thought made me want to blush, but I quickly controlled my emotions and sighed.

"Hoseok."

"What?"

"Shut up."

_If he wasn't an ex-boyfriend, who was he then?_

\----------

"Why are you walking with me to class, instead of with your girlfriend? We all have the same class, you know."

Tae pouted as he walked beside me. I put my arm around his neck playfully, wanting to cheer him up.

"She said she needed to talk to her friend today, so she told me she'd just meet me in class. I miss her already." I made a face of disgust. "Being in love is so gross," I teased while releasing my hold.

"Just wait until you get your burn mark, I'll make you eat your words then!"

He began to walk faster than me and then switched to walking in front of me. I rolled my eyes and decided I should apologize. I didn't know for what really, but it was too early in the day to be dealing with Tae ignoring me.

"Hey Tae, wait up!"

I ran to catch up to where he was standing but found it weird that he didn't seem to be going into our class. When I'd finally caught up to him and noticed the sight in front of us, I silently gasped.

My breath felt like it had been sucked out of me.

Tae was standing there with wide eyes as Ji Eun held Yuri in her arms.

_Yuri was crying._


	6. I'm Swimming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Caught me swimming in a daydream,  
> Caught me blocking out all my past.  
> But take me back  
> And be my time machine,  
> Show me the sky from a new perspective." 

_“Why won’t you just tell me what happened?”_

_“I don’t fucking trust you. What if you agree with them?”_

_“Why not?! Agree with who?”_

_“Why should I trust someone who’ll leave me in the end?”_

_“I promise I won’t ever leave your side, Yuri. Not voluntarily. **I love you**.”_

 

 

The cold sweat soaked my pillow and sheets.

It was only getting worse.

I needed to get everything off my chest. I needed to tell someone before these memories, these feelings, completely ruined me.

If I had been anyone else I could have gone to a therapist, but they were not to be trusted by someone like me. They could tell me everything would be confidential, but those words would be nothing but empty. The minute I left their office they'd be quick to report me to the government.

I curled into my covers.

I knew Ji Eun had asked me to trust her plenty of times. I just didn't feel comfortable dumping my baggage all out in the open for someone else to see. Wasn't it a burden? Wouldn’t I just be complaining about useless things that I should have coped with already? All I knew was that she was right. I couldn't live like this anymore.

Maybe it was time I let someone in again.

\----------

Despite me feeling like utter shit, I got ready and boarded the bus that took me to school. Ji Eun followed shortly after and sat next to me. I had planned to tell her that we could meet up at lunch so I could tell her everything, but the moment I opened my mouth all the emotions of the past week flooded in at full force, leaving me gasping for air.

"Yuri?! Are you okay?!"

I attempted to breathe in and out. I needed to calm down. I needed to do this. I'd been a coward for far too long.

I sat up slowly and nodded my head, not trusting my mouth to speak. It took me the whole bus ride to feel slightly stable.

Why had I let myself become this fucked up? Why couldn't I just open up to people and trust that they'd be there to support me? Why was it so hard to believe that they wouldn't leave me?

I always questioned myself why, but I knew the answer perfectly well.

I mindlessly walked next to Ji Eun and soon realized we were standing in front of her class. She peered at me and scowled in concern. I glanced up at the ceiling, willing the sudden tears forming to stop. I couldn't cry here.

"Do you have something to tell me, Yuri? Why are you having anxiety attacks and nearly on the verge of crying? You can tell me anything, you know that, right?" She said it so sincerely that it triggered everything I had been holding back once again.

I looked down from the ceiling and felt a single tear fall down my right cheek.

"I'm an orphan, Ji Eun. My parents didn't want me. They called me a disgrace to this earth, even though they knew what they were doing when they had me. They created sacrilege incarnate, they created _me_."

It all flooded out of me in one huge wave and I suddenly felt Ji Eun hugging me. I couldn't seem to stop the tears from flowing.

My parents had hated me so much that I ended up hating myself for what I was.

"I'm sorry, I-I can't seem to stop crying," I choked out through sobs.

I sensed Ji Eun tighten her grip on me as she whispered, "Never be sorry for crying, especially in front of me. I don't know what you quite mean by all this sacrilege stuff but know this. Your parents were horribly wrong about you. You are the most wonderful person I've ever met in my life, Yuri. Please believe me."

At her words, I began to cry harder. I truly didn't deserve her.

I looked up and loosened my grip to tell Ji Eun she should go to class and that I'd be fine when I spot Taehyung and Jimin coming in our direction.

Oh god, why did he always have the worst timing?

"Ji, I need to get out of here. I'll talk to you later," I whispered, wiping harshly at my cheeks. I struggled in her grip but she didn't budge. Tears were still flowing down my face and there was no way they were stopping anytime soon. I felt an ugly sob coming up and decided to hide in Ji Eun's shoulder to muffle it. If she wouldn't let me leave, I'd at least hide as best I could.

All that could be heard among the silence that ensued was a sharp inhale that was not mine.

"I-is she okay?"

Taehyung, Ji Eun's soulmate. His deep voice left an impression, and I flinched at the realization that they had seen me crying. That _Jimin_ had definitely seen me crying. Then slight heavy breathing interrupted such thoughts. I looked to the side and immediately regretted doing so.

Jimin stood there, wide-eyed and seemingly breathless. He seemed to only witness the most embarrassing sides of me.

"Sorry guys, I think I'm gonna take Yuri to her dorm. Tae, can you tell our teacher I wasn't feeling well?"

"Ah, s-sure thing."

Ji Eun began to drag me away when I heard footsteps trailing behind us.

"We just wanted to say," Taehyung started, but Jimin quickly ran over his words, "We hope you feel better. Bye!"

"Hey! Wait! I wanted to give Ji Eun a goodbye kiss!"

I didn't dare turn my head to look, but I was pretty sure Jimin was dragging Taehyung away.

We continued to walk down the hallway, only to hear in the fading distance Taehyung still yowling dramatically. Ji Eun giggled beside me and shook her head, missing the small ghost of a smile that revealed itself through my tears.

If there was anything good left in this life, it was Ji Eun's happiness.

\----------

I told Ji Eun that I wasn't feeling well and she suggested that I should try and get some sleep. "You deserve some rest after such a tough day," She had said.

To be honest, I was angry with myself. Why couldn't I just spit out everything that I wanted to tell her without breaking down? Maybe it was the universe giving me some sort of sign…

 

I opened my eyes slowly, surprised by the fact that Ji Eun was still there laying next to me watching TV.

"Did I sleep long?" I croaked out. "Mmm, like two hours? Not much at all."

"Ah, ‘kay then," I answered lazily, my face buried in my pillow. Ji Eun poked me on my side, effectively making me twitch from how ticklish I was. "Hey, want to have a girl’s night? Let's go to the store! We’ll get junk food, come back and watch dramas. What do you think?" I turned to see that she had her bright smile on, eyes sparkling in anticipation.

I stared at her blankly, my face still half squished into my pillow.

"Oh, come on! It'll get your mind off things. And then you can answer all the questions I have from my burning curiosity!" She climbed off my bed bouncing with joy, turning toward me while wiggling her eyebrows. I smiled and got up, too. I could never say no to her.

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Let's go."

 

"How much ice cream do you think is too much?" Ji Eun said, holding up four huge tubs of ice cream. I raised my hand to my chin, thoroughly thinking. "There's no such thing! But I think we should only take one. I want to have room for other food!" I chuckled, amazed at how much of a sweet tooth she had.

Opposite to her though, I've always enjoyed all things sour.

I left Ji Eun to deal with which flavor of ice cream to take and happily rushed over to the candy aisle. I quietly browsed for my favorite sour gummy bears and just as I found them hidden amongst a pile of chocolate, I smacked into another hand reaching for the same. I stood there in shock, not quite understanding how someone else had snuck up on me. I hadn't even noticed another person's footsteps nor presence. Jin would have certainly scolded me for that... 

I took my gaze up from our hands to say sorry when I saw  _him_ smiling back at me, just as blindingly bright as the first time I had met him.

“You again!”

I covered my mouth after realizing I hadn't just thought that, I had said it out loud. His smile faltered a bit and I immediately felt guilty. He'd been nothing but nice to me, I should treat him with the same respect.

"I j-just meant that I always seem to bump into you," I clarified, pushing some hair behind my ear as I looked down. Would there ever be a time where I didn't make a fool of myself in front of him?

"Well, maybe you shouldn't stalk me so much."

I gaped up at Jimin and felt my eyebrow twitch. He was wearing that offensive smirk of his again.

"Are you sure it's not you that's stalking me?" I said with squinted eyes and a tilted head. He instantly threw his head back and laughed, the back of his hand attempting to cover his mouth. "Touché!" he managed to giggle out.

Well,  _fuck_  was that beyond attractive. Who laughed that adorable, ever? And _shit_ did I really need to snap out of it. I refused to be pulled in by his charms! I couldn’t do that to myself.

“Does this mean you’re feeling better?”

For a second I had forgotten all about the breakdown. I hated that he had to see me like that.

“Yeah, thanks to Ji I feel a whole lot better. She’s amazing.” A small smile crept up my lips as I thought of how lucky I was to know someone like Ji Eun. His smile grew even wider as he said, “That’s good. Ji Eun really is a great person.”

I just nodded in return, not knowing what else to add to the conversation.

"Were you gonna get some?" He questioned, pointing to the sour gummy bears. "Oh yeah," I squeaked, to which he grabbed two of them and handed a package to me. "Thanks."

He liked the same gummy bears I did? What were the fucking chances?

Jimin opened the pack of gummy bears and started eating them. I stopped in my tracks and stared at him, slightly mortified. Was he gonna pay for that? I walk past him down the aisle and he calmly followed, his shoes resounding against the market floor. 

So what if he liked the same stuff I did? It didn’t mean anything.

"These are my favorite, they're just so good," he continued as he chewed on them happily, swiftly catching up and keeping pace with me. He seemed so pure when he wasn't being sarcastic. "They're my favorite too!" I said a little too enthusiastically. _Crap._

He jumped a little beside me, truly surprised.

Damnit.

"Who knew you could get so excited about things? It's nice to see." Jimin leaned his body exaggeratedly to the side while grinning, then smugly walked away. Who did he think he was?! I may not show much emotion in public, but I was not a walking robot! "Hey!" I yelled after him. He bent his head back just as Yuri rounded the corner of our aisle. "Hey, Tae, look who I found!"

Taehyung?

I glanced up for a split second in surprise, but of course, as the distracted mess that I was, I ended up walking straight into Jimin.

Soft, fluffy, and warm Jimin.

He didn't move away from me right away and I was too embarrassed to move, but I forced myself to look down because what the fuck was taking so long for him to move? And, oh my god, was that the worst thing that I could have ever done. His gorgeous brown eyes were staring straight up at me, his lips so close to my eyes I could see the sour sugar still lingering on them. My breath caught in my throat as I couldn't help but examine his face.

He was indeed a beautiful human being.

\----------

I couldn't believe I kept seeing her everywhere I went.

Could it be called a coincidence anymore?

I was walking away from her after teasing her a bit about her cute outburst, but it really had caught me off guard. It was nice to see her happy about something.

"Hey!" I heard her yell, so I stopped in my tracks and tilted my head back out of habit. "Hey, Tae, look who I found!" Of course. It never failed to impress me how Tae could find his soulmate anywhere and everywhere. The thought made me smile and distracted me until I felt a slight pressure on my head. I looked up to see Yuri's neck and jawline and swallowed hard.

Who would have thought she’d have the cutest mole under her jawline?

Wait, what was I even doing?!

I wanted to move away, but my body didn't seem to want to cooperate with my brain. She then surprised me even more by looking right down at me and I felt for the second time that day like the air was being sucked out of my lungs, leaving me completely breathless. In what world was it legal to be that stunning?

"Hey, what kind of intense game is this?! I wanna play too!"

And just like that, I was smacked back into reality by none other than Tae. I quickly moved forward and out of the awkward position, clearing my throat while rubbing my neck.

"Jiminie, show me how you did that without breaking your back so I can play with Ji!"

I took a quick look at Ji Eun who was standing beside Tae with a smirk on her face. What was that all about? l then glanced at Yuri, only to see a faint dust of pink on her cheeks. Was it because of me or because the situation was embarrassing for her?

I'd like to think it was because of me.

_But why?_

"I'll show you later Tae, I promise. Are you done getting everything?"

"Aww fine..." He whispered and nodded. He stared at me with puppy eyes and I felt a bit of guilt until he opened his mouth again. "But seriously how did you not break your back?!" I sighed and chuckled, then made my way to the register while shaking my head.

_Typical TaeTae._


	7. Disarm Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And you keep on running backwards  
> Keep on chasing your own demons  
> So don’t waste another hour  
> And let me in"

How had things ended up like this…?

I was currently sitting on my floor, curled into myself as I watched Ji Eun flirt with Taehyung. “Gross,” I mouthed to Ji Eun as she rolled her eyes. I had kind of hoped to just squeal over how adorable Nam Joohyuk was in Weightlifting Fairy with Ji Eun, but here we were, the four of us in my tiny dorm. I looked over to where Jimin was leaning against my desk, eating his second pack of gummy bears. “I want some,” I mumbled under my breath. Too bad I was too nervous to move from my spot and grab mine.

_Why am I like this?_

I reached into my sweater pocket and took out my headphones, connecting them straight into my phone jack and only putting the left bud in my ear.

Sweet solace.

_“Where are you? and I'm so sorry_  
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight  
I need somebody and always  
This sick strange darkness  
Comes creeping on so haunting every time” 

This song always reminded me of Jin. I missed him more and more each day.

I sighed and stood up despite the uncomfortable knot in my stomach, willing myself to walk over to where Jimin was. A tiny voice screamed in the back of my mind what a mistake that would be, but I needed to stop being such a nervous wreck, especially in my own dorm!

_“Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?  
Stop this pain tonight”_

I walked over nonchalantly to where the snacks were on my desk and shuffled through the bags, trying to find mine. Why did Jimin and Taehyung have so many bags?! I continued to sort through them until I spotted a familiar green shade of plastic. “Finally,” I whispered to myself as I found the gummy bears buried under Ji Eun’s ice cream. I should probably put that in the mini fridge-

_“Don't waste your time on me  
You're already the voice inside my head  
I miss you, miss you”_

I squeezed the pack of gummy bears in my hand before hurriedly taking my phone out of my sweater pocket and pressing next. I should have deleted that song from my phone a long time ago, but I could never bring myself to. It was one of the only things that constantly reminded me he was real.

I put my phone back in my pocket and headed to an empty corner of the room, plopping down on the worn wooden floor and ready to open my gummy bears when I felt a presence next to me. I glanced away from my pack of candy to see that it was Jimin, calmly sitting right next to me. 

_What the flying fuck._

My dorm may be small, but there were still plenty of other places for him to sit. I ignored it for the time being and opened my gummy bears.

A mix of a sigh and a moan came out of my lips from delight, forgetting that Jimin was sitting right next to me. I cautiously looked over to my right where Jimin was playing with the rings on his fingers. I observed the way he twirled them around his fingers, entranced by how cute his hands were. Were hands even supposed to be cute? Was that a thing? He peered up at me from under his lashes, his eyes widening when he notices I was staring at him.

"Like what you see?" He said with his usual smirk. "Oh, uh, I was just observing your nervous habit," I retorted as I hid my small embarrassed smile into the sleeve of my sweater. "What do you mean?" He replied, his brows coming together in confusion. "You twist the rings around your fingers. It's quite fascinating to watch, actually." He stopped and looked down at how his thumb and index finger were wrapped around a ring. "Oh."

Was he blushing? The room was dimly lit, but if so... Oh, how the tables have turned.

A huge giddy grin threatened to spread across my face. I'd never made someone blush before. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Everyone has one." I quickly recovered, hoping my observation hadn't made him uncomfortable. "Yeah? Then what's yours?” He asked in a playfully challenging tone. I should have kept my mouth shut, but since I felt like I'd exposed him, I guess it was only fair to tell him mine. "I bite the inside of my bottom lip and tap things with my fingers," I said in a rush, regretting the fact that I brought up the subject in the first place.

"You were wearing headphones at the club and you’re wearing them now," Jimin said while looking at me dead in the eyes. "Doesn't that count?"

I stared at his rings and then back up at him. "Yeah, well, I guess I'm just a very anxious person." I gazed at the floor, the wood's patterns swirling together as memories came back to me in flashes. I put the gummy bears down, gripping the inside of my arms painfully tight.

 

_“Take that shit out of your ears and learn to listen when people are talking to you!” Jin’s dad yelled as he yanked the headphones out of my ears. “Go take out the trash! Fuck dammit!”_

_“Dad, leave her alone! She’s just sitting down and minding her own business!” Jin shouted back, coming down the stairs from his room._

_“I wouldn’t have to yell if you both weren’t so fucking useless!” He screamed, kicking the couch where I was sitting before opening the front door and slamming it shut._

_“I’m sorry, I’ll go take it out,” I whispered and got up slowly, feeling my body shake a little at what had just happened. “Hey, hey, listen. Look at me.” Jin gently said, grabbing me by the shoulders. “I’m going to get us out of this hell one day, I promise. Trust me.” I nodded and hugged him tightly._

_I trusted Jin with my life already, there was no need for him to ask._

 

“What are you listening to?” Jimin asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.

“Huh?”

“Can I see what you’re listening to? I’m curious.” He seemed genuinely intrigued. “Uh sure…. Although, I don’t know if you’ll like it all that much,” I muttered. He scooted across the floor to sit right in front of me. _Oh. Okay._ I handed him an earbud and as I did, his hand brushed mine for a moment. I tried to think nothing of it and kept my cool as he put it in his ear.

As he sat there in front of me listening to the music I loved, I found myself holding my breath. I’d never really shown anyone my music taste, not even Ji Eun. No one had really taken an interest other than Jin.

_“Back beat, the word was on the street  
That the fire in your heart is out”_

I watched as his eyes fluttered closed and I inadvertently bite the inside of my lip.

_“I'm sure you've heard it all before_  
But you never really had a doubt  
I don't believe that anybody  
Feels the way I do about you now” 

Seconds passed and Jimin still had his eyes closed. I had no idea what he was thinking. I unconsciously leaned in, searching for any kind of reaction on his features.

_“I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me  
And after all, you're my wonderwall”_

He opened his eyes and once again, I was so fucking close that his clear brown eyes were burning holes into mine. He inhaled a sharp breath of surprise and I jolted back, making me lose my balance and fall to the side. Classy, classy as always, Yuri. I laid there in my embarrassment for a bit, trying to control the frantic beating of my heart. Being that close to Jimin was never good for it.

I flipped over onto my back and saw how Jimin was trying to hold in his laughter, but he caved as soon as he glanced at me again. He burst out laughing, one hand over his stomach and the other hovering over his mouth as he thrashed around. I pouted and sat up, a little farther away from the ruckus happening in front of me.

“That was-“ He began, but burst into another fit of giggles.

“I know, I know, it was _embarrassing_.”

“ _Adorable_.”

We both spoke at the same time, his simple word catching me off guard.

“Ah, no need to be nice,” I said, waving my hands in front of my face frantically. “I’m clumsy as hell and I know it,” I ended, suddenly hyper-aware of how hot my face felt. Jimin put a hand up to his chin in thought. “You’re right. I’ve feared for your safety in the few times that I’ve seen you.” I scoffed. He was back to his teasing self.

“Uhm, so, did you like the song?” I inquired in hesitation. I had been dying to know, but I regretted the words as soon as they flew out of my mouth. "I mean," He grinned at the floor, “Yeah, it was a really beautiful song. You have great taste in music.” He pushed his hand through his hair as he continued with a giggle, “I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised after the gummy bears.”

A feeling of giddy relief filled my entire body.

“Can you show me more cool songs later, oh magnificent music aficionado?” He exaggerated, chuckling in satisfaction at his compliment. I sniggered and simply nodded. Talking to someone about music was nice. This was nice.

"Let's watch Train to Busan!" Ji Eun suddenly exclaimed. "Yeah! Plus, our Jiminie is from Busan!" Taehyung excitedly revealed.

"Really? I heard it's beautiful there." I smiled and looked over to Jimin, but he appeared to be uneasy. "Yeah, it is," Jimin said flatly, spinning the ring around his index finger. He was such a sunshine just a minute ago, what had happened?

Everyone stared at each other in silence and Taehyung decided to quickly save the mood. "Alright! Let's get down with some zombies!" He yelled at the top of his lungs as he excitedly bounced over to my small TV. We all adjusted our positions to face the TV when I felt something soft touch my arm. "If you're gonna squeeze anything, squeeze this," Jimin whispered, handing me one of the small pillows from my bed. I flickered my eyes to his face once more before bowing in thanks and quickly face the TV where the movie was starting.

_Shit._

He noticed.

I really should be more careful around him.

\----------

I didn't know exactly when I dozed off. I remembered screaming internally over the people in the movie going through the zombies on the train, but after that, I was drawing a blank. I woke up to an aching hip from sleeping on my side on the old wooden floor. I huffed and stretched my arms out with my eyes closed, only to hit something soft and warm. I took my gaze over to my left and saw Ji Eun cuddled up with Taehyung, my hand barely missing her back. I then turned to my right and stifled a scream. When the fuck had this become a sleepover?! They could have left when I fell asleep!

Instead, here I was with my hand on Park Jimin's neck.

I was too scared to move it. What if he woke up and thought I was a creep? Oh my god.

I just needed to remove it slowly and it'd all be fine. I inhaled, trying to suppress the little squeals that were coming out of my mouth. I had only the tips of my fingers left to move off him when he moved his hand and scratched his neck. He scrunched his face up cutely and my heart painfully clenched. Why was that so adorable? Why was everything about him so charming?

As I was staring at him and admiring how beautiful he was, he unexpectedly seized my hand from his neck and cuddled up to it, smiling contentedly into my palm.

I couldn't do this. He was attractive and kind, but I couldn't let myself have these feelings. I barely knew him and he shouldn't have this effect on me.

I attempted to squirm out of his grip when I heard the floor creak behind me and paused out of fear. It was either Taehyung or Ji Eun and I didn't want to deal with either of them seeing this scene, so I yanked my hand roughly out of Jimin's grip, waking him up in the process. He groaned at first and then rolled over flat on his back with his hands over his eyes.

Okay, _he needed to fucking stop_.

Ji Eun jumped in front of me and my shriveling heart and whisper-yelled, "What are you doing?!"

"Seriously Ji, didn't you just wake up? How are you so energetic?!" I whimpered, slowly sitting up. "I'm just a morning person, I guess." She tapped Jimin's foot with hers and continued, "We'd better go soon before security finds out we slept over."

"Alright, alright, I'm coming."

I sat there staring at the wall in front of me, wishing I could reverse time to when I hadn't heard Jimin's morning voice because holy fuck was it deep and raspy.

I was driving myself insane. He was just a guy.

A very nice guy that I needed to stay away from if I didn't want to get hurt.

 

I walked out with them just in case security saw them, but we got outside quickly without being noticed. Ji Eun leaned in and gave me a bear hug, squeezing me half to death. Then Taehyung decided to pile on top of her hug, making us all laugh. She really did get a wonderful soulmate.

We let go and I stood there awkwardly, not really knowing how to say goodbye to Jimin. I saw Taehyung dragging Ji Eun off already when Jimin stepped into my view and swiftly gave me a hug. I didn't know what I had expected, but as always, he was warm. I surprised myself as I relaxed into the hug and heard him say, "If you ever see a guy in all black like the one behind me, please get to somewhere safe. Somewhere where there’s a lot of people, or you can call me. Okay?" He slid a small piece of paper into my hand.

He released me and ran off, his distinct scent of leather and cologne still lingering around in the air. I looked to my right and saw someone in all black walking away, sticking to the shadows.

What the fuck just happened?!


	8. Man On The Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If I were you  
> I'd dare not speak  
> I'd run like hell  
> In hopes of seeing tomorrow"

“Did you see the guy in all black, Tae?!” I asked him, entirely out of breath from running all the way back to our apartment. “Of course I did! Why do you think I dragged Ji Eun away as soon as I could?” I squinted at the floor in frustration and ran a hand through my hair. Guilt crept up my throat at the fact that I’d now put Yuri and Ji Eun in danger. I'd already put Tae through enough as it was.

“What do you think they want this time?” He questioned as he got up from the couch. “I’m pretty sure they want to take me back.” I sighed as Tae’s eyes grew visibly bigger. “They told me if I donated my blood to them every month they’d leave me alone, but they’re way too greedy,” I gritted out. It didn’t matter how many times I tried to move or dye my hair to look different. They _always_ found me. “I won’t let them take you, Jimin. Not again!” He yelled as he came closer. “You’re my best friend and I will protect you, no matter what.”

“Tae...” I exhaled, feeling the guilt tightening around my throat now, ready to swallow me whole and suffocate me. He came closer and hugged me with such force it took all the air out of me. I laughed and patted him on the back. “I know you have my back, always,” I murmured as my hand ran over the scar on his back. That scar…

“You know, sometimes my scar still tingles. I wonder why?” He speculated, looking at the ceiling for possible answers. “Does it only happen when I’m too far away from you?” I cackled in disbelief as he screwed his face up at me. “I take it all back, I’m leaving you for the taking,” He retorted with a pout. All I could do was giggle in return.

As I continued to laugh along with him, I decided that I could never let anything happen to him or anyone else ever again.

_Over my dead body._

\----------

**Ji Eun**

Hey, sorry about yesterday!

I thought it'd be more enjoyable if they tagged along…

Forgive me?

**10:23 am**

It's fine, I was just a bit nervous.  
I survived.  
**10:23 am**

**Ji Eun**

You seemed just fine talking to Jimin.

**10:24 am**

I didn’t have the heart to  
separate you two lovebirds.  
Who else was I going to talk to?  
The fucking wall?  
**10:25 am**

**Ji Eun**

Oh please, you at least in some form like the dude.

It's so obvious.

**10:26 am**

How?  
**10:26 am**

**Ji Eun**

I see everything, Yuri. The way you stare at him.

Your reactions to him are so cute too.

Are you going to tell me I'm wrong?

**10:26 am**

I do find him attractive Ji, but  
that's about it. I don't like him.  
How can I like someone I barely know?  
By the way, am I seeing you today?  
**10:28 am**

**Ji Eun**

Okaaaay sure whatever.

I can't wait to say I told you so right in your face.

but yeah, how about after my class, around 6?

Let's get dinner.

**10:30 am**

Haha I hate you.  
okay.  
**10:32 am**

**Ji Eun**

Love you too babe!

& good bc I have so many questions!~

**10:32 am**

\----------

Of course, I was nervous to tell Ji Eun what she obviously wanted to know. I had thoroughly meditated for about an hour trying not to think about how she'd react about me and my childhood. I wasn’t normal, in any sense of the word. But there was no turning back now.

I was running out of my dorm building with all these thoughts swirling in my head when I bumped into something rock hard. _Jesus fuck._ Did I run into a pole?!

I stumbled back and glanced up, only to see that I’d run into a person. _A living, breathing person._ What kind of human had a chest as hard as a boulder?! Plus, his face looked like a fifteen-year-olds, so that didn’t really help. He must be some kind of robot…

My phone began to vibrate in my hand and I looked to see the caller ID read Ji Eun.

_Oh. Right._

I stared back up at the doe-eyed stranger. “Ah, um, sorry for bumping into you,” I said frantically as I picked up Ji Eun’s phone call.

“Ji?” I whispered, still standing in place. “Where are you?!” She screamed from the other end. “I’m coming!” I jumped up and began to run again, looking back to bow and wave at the stranger. He gave me a bunny toothed smile before swiftly turning to walk away.

“If you’re not here in 20 minutes I’m eating without you!” Ji Eun said playfully, bringing me back to the situation at hand. “Okay, okay! I’ll be there!” I replied in between breaths, still running at full speed as I hung up the phone.

\----------

I was almost to the diner that was near our university when I lost it. I couldn’t run anymore. “I don’t care if she eats without me!” I wheezed at the ground, clutching my side and gasping for air. I had stubbornly decided to walk the rest of the way when I stop dead in my tracks again.

“It can’t be,” I whispered to myself.

I heard voices around me, one particularly sticking out to me above the rest. His voice sounded a bit off, as if he were yelling angrily. I hadn't known he could yell so loud, but it sounded exactly like him. I scanned the area around me in a panic because I _must_ be going crazy. I was going to be late and now I was hallucinating his voice? You'd got to be fucking kidding me.

Then I heard it again.

I heard sudden shuffling and examined the area around me once more until I realized there had been an alley in front of me a few feet away. What the hell was going on?

I walked toward the alley impulsively, which was probably my first mistake. As I approached the entrance I noticed that three men were surrounding someone. 

_Men in all black._

I obviously needed to make smarter decisions.

They all turned to look at me and my eyes went wide with shock at the sight of a speck of orange hair peeking through the black suits.

What the f-

"Yuri?!" Jimin screeched out.

Two of the men instantly grabbed Jimin by the arms and he struggled in their grip as the other black suit came walking toward me. I was frozen in place, willing my body to move, but it just wouldn't budge. What had Jimin gotten himself into?!

"Yuri, run!" He screamed at me, effectively bringing me back to the present moment. I needed to get out of here and get help. I rapidly turned around to run, but the black suit viciously pulled me back by the hair and pinned me against the alley wall. He seized me by the throat and my face crumbled in pain, my focus dwindling as I heard Jimin growl out, "Leave her alone and let her go, she has nothing to do with this!"

 

_"What if someone tries to kidnap or harm you? You need to learn how to defend yourself!” He insisted for the hundredth time this month. "Fine mom, I get it. So teach me." I replied lazily, not expecting what happened next._

_Jin pinned me against the wall, fake choking me while saying, "So what are you going to do now that you can't breathe? How are you going to get out of this?"_

_"I-I don't know? I've never defended myself from anyone." I squeaked out, completely surprised at the method he’d chosen. "If someone dares to touch you, especially if it's a guy, kick or knee him in the groin. Then he'll be caught off guard long enough for you to kick his ass, or you can run away." He smiled at me as if it was the most natural thing for two teens to be talking about shit like this._

_"I can't kick someone's ass, I just told you I don't even know how to defend myself," I blurted out, staring at him incredulously. "That's what you have me for. I'm going to show you how to defend yourself so no one can hurt you. You'll be strong just like me," he retorted smugly, pulling away from me to flex his arms._

_I cackled at that._

_"You cried when you dropped your noodles that one time. Try again."_

_"Hey! That was one time! Shut up!"_

 

I opened my eyes and gasped as the black suit squeezed my throat with both of his hands now. I grabbed at his hands instinctively, trying to pry them off. I knew what to do, but I'd never had to put what Jin had taught me into practice. I didn't know if I was strong enough to do it.

"I said to leave her alone! Stop!" I glanced over in time to see Jimin get loose and punch one of the guys in the face so hard he fell to the floor. He tried to fight the other one off, but the guy punched him in the stomach and Jimin doubled over in pain. My heart began to race out of fear, my mind replaying the horrible memories I could never forget. It was all too similar.

I couldn't let anyone else get hurt. I wouldn't stand by and do nothing again.

The black suit was now crushing my throat and I felt my vision beginning to blur.

_Jin, lend me your strength, please._

I kneed the black suit in the groin with the strength I had left and in turn, loosened his choke hold long enough for me to kick him firmly in the groin. "Ah, you little bitch!" He managed to get out before his hands fell away from my neck, cringing to the ground in pain.

Jin had gotten me into the habit of wearing steel toe boots for a reason, and I'd never been more grateful for that than right now.

I started coughing to ease the pain in my throat but knew I had no time to waste. I kicked the man again, but this time in the face. I was about to head toward Jimin to help him when the black suit snatched me by my boot and made me fall to the ground.

I scraped and hit my knee harshly, shouting out in momentary pain. "Fuck!"

\----------

"Fuck!" I heard Yuri yell and I instantly panicked. Why was she here?! How did she even find me? Why her, out of everyone in this damn city?!

"Yuri! Are you alright?!" I shouted, knowing there was no way I could get to her right now. "I'm- I'm fine, really!" She replied, but I didn't really believe it. I looked over to make sure and saw her repeatedly pounding her boot into the man's face on the ground. I stood there for a second in astonishment, not knowing whether to be impressed or scared. I abruptly felt something hit my stomach and immediately fall to the ground myself. “ _Shit!_ ” I wheezed out. I shouldn't have gotten so distracted.

I heard the click of a gun and looked up in surprise. This wasn't good. I felt the broken ribs and bruises he'd given me healing up, but at this rate, a gunshot wound wouldn’t heal quickly enough. I’d bleed out before it could heal completely.

"You son of a bitch mender, you should have just come quietly," He snarled at me.

"You know I'll never go with you," I gritted out, tasting the blood on my lips as the cut on it sealed up. I saw him take out a syringe from his pocket and at that moment, I knew I was absolutely screwed. “What are you gonna do with that…” I managed to mumble out as from the corner of my eye, I spotted Yuri trying to sneak up and reach for the syringe in his hand. At the sight, I tried to keep my face neutral but failed. I had given it away. The bastard turned to see her hand on the syringe and stabbed it directly into her.

"Yuri!" I shrieked, horrified. Even though I had an inkling that she wasn't quite normal, there was still a chance that she was just a regular human and that this injection would kill her. The injection that was meant to neutralize menders had always been deadly to humans.

I tried my best to run over to where she was. Yuri was bloody and holding her hand in pain because of me. Once again, an all too familiar guilt burned in my veins. I had never meant for her to get involved.

I kneeled down next to her and clasped her hand gently in mine. "You'll be fine Yuri, I promise. I can heal you," I said calmly, although I was freaking out internally. It had been such a long time, but I could do this. I could heal her. She looked up at me with her brows furrowed in confusion. "Heal me?" She inquired through her pain filled voice. "What do you mean you can heal me?"

Oh. She didn't know about me.

"I-"

"What's this?! She's not dying!" The man grunted and stepped closer. "Is she scum like you?" He asked while smiling smugly at her. My blood began to boil and I stood up with every intention of punching the smug grin off his face, but before I could react the man pointed his gun straight at me and fired.

But something was immediately wrong.

I felt no pain.


	9. Alex English

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Please smash the target, right where the heart sits"  
>   
>   
>  **"Just keep your arms around me  
>  And I won't let your body touch  
> I won't let it touch the ground  
> Just keep your eyes on me  
> And let me be your gravity"**

I felt something crash into my chest and I wrapped my arms around it instinctively, only to feel a warm liquid run down my hand. I took my gaze down to see Yuri in front of me, blood steadily flowing from her chest.

_No, no, no. No!_  What had I done?!

“This can’t be happening again,” I unconsciously blurted out, beginning to shake and panic.

She gripped my sweater with both hands and slowly slid down from my grip. “Y-Yuri, you’ll be okay. I’ll make it b-b-better,” I whispered rapidly, sinking down to the ground with her. I gently laid her on the ground as she partly opened her eyes and mumbled, “I don’t mind.” Her eyes wandered to mine as I scowled. “You’re not going to die on me Yuri, I’m not letting you,” I said with more force in my voice than intended.

The next thing that came out of her mouth astonished me.  _She laughed._

“I’ll be fine, Jimin. I’m not that easy to get rid of,” She managed to get out as she closed her eyes. I stayed there for a moment, completely perplexed, but her breathing started to become shallower and I felt nothing but rage bubble up inside of me. I was angry, so damn angry I had let her get hurt and at the fact that I could have done more to prevent it.

“How cute. Your little girlfriend took the bullet for you,” The man who shot her sniggered as he came closer. “Well, to be honest, _I hope she rots_ ,” he giggled out and leaned in.

"You fucking bastard!" I yelled, jumping over Yuri and tackling the man to the ground, punching him repeatedly in the face. The feeling of his blood slowly trickling down my fist was exhilarating and nearly distracted me from remembering the injections. The ‘predators’ as we called them, always carried more than one. He struggled to push me off him several times and landed a punch to the side of my ribs that left me gasping for air, but it didn’t matter. I needed to disorient him.

When I felt like I'd punched him enough to impair him, I searched his pockets for the syringes. "What the fuck do you think you're doing you little shi-" He began, but before he could finish I found a syringe and stabbed him right in the chest with the injection. Most of the predators were human, which meant they had no chance of surviving the injections themselves. I had no time to feel remorse as he started to seize right in front of me. I quickly stepped away from him and ran back to Yuri, stumbling with hot tears in my eyes.

"Yuri, can you hear me?” I asked frantically, but she didn’t move or answer. “I got to get us out of here…” I whispered, looking down from her face to check her bullet wound.

“What the-” I choked out in confusion as I looked for the wound, only to see a faint scar surrounded by blood that was half dry. "It can’t be," I exhaled shakily in disbelief.

I had an inkling something was off about her, but to see that she was a mender with my own two eyes was unbelievable. And even if she was a mender, why was she healing so fast with the injection in her system? Why was she even healing at all?

I glanced around us and saw the man Yuri had kicked repeatedly in the face slowly starting to regain consciousness. “Damnit.” I put my hood on, picked her up with a small grunt and carried her away from the alley, running as fast as I could without drawing too much attention. “Where to hide, where to hide...” I mumbled as I ran, looking for anything that could throw them off our trail.

“Where did those mender scums go?!” I heard one of the predators shout not too far behind me.

“Shit. Shit. Shit!” I veered into an alley and saw the door to a warehouse cracked open. I didn’t hesitate and opened it further with my foot, quickly running inside, grateful that there was no one else currently there. I spotted a few crates to my left and walked toward them, only to see that they were too small and I could see right through them. “This won’t do…”

I spun around and saw a lone crate, large enough for us to fit in. I swiftly walked toward it and gently put Yuri down on the ground beside it. “You can still see through it,” I huffed out in irritation. I decided to grab two small crates and put them in front of the large one, contemplating if I should put another when I heard scuffling just outside of the warehouse door.

I bolted for Yuri and lowered us inside of the crate, putting the siding back on and positioning her in between my legs, holding her to my chest. The both of us barely fit, so much so that I began to feel claustrophobic, but before I could even begin to panic I heard the warehouse door creak open.

“Yes, I know and I’m sorry ma’am, but they've escaped. We’re searching the perimeter, they couldn’t have gone too far,” I overheard the predator say, his footsteps resonating loudly against the warehouse floor. “You better hope you find them Predator 204, because if you don’t it’ll be your life that I take instead.”

I felt my eyes grow wide as I recognized the voice. That woman, the woman that caused my family and me so much pain. What could she possibly want from me now?

I unintentionally hugged Yuri closer to me as I  remembered the damage I’d caused everyone around me by merely existing.

“She’s really going to murder us over some kids?! Especially that little shit who never listens or obeys? He _killed_ one of our own! She should know him by now, why is she so surprised?” Growled a different voice. “You imbecile, she’s not surprised. Of course not. That boy is special to her and our job is to bring him to her,” The predator from the phone call said, raising his voice slightly.

“It’d be better to finish him off and call it an accident. I’m tired of running after this evasive brat,” The other predator mumbled. A smile threatened to spread across my lips. At the very least, I was glad I was making their job that much more difficult.

“It would, but to do that we need to find him first.”

“Ow! Why’d you flick me on the forehead for?” The second predator screeched out.

“Because you irritate me! You search this warehouse, I’ll go check around the block.” The predator, who I could only assume was the unit leader said as he left, leaving the other predator grumbling profanities. “Jaebum has a stick permanently shoved up his ass! Who cares if that brat is important to Eunha? Whipped much?” He huffed in anger and I had to stifle my laughter. This guy had no respect for his superior and it was amusing.

But his nearing footsteps brought me back to harsh reality. This person wanted me dead.

As his footsteps stopped at the front of our crate, I held my breath, wishing that instead of being able to rapidly heal that I could somehow turn us invisible. He then circled around to the back of our crate where we had no cover, and I panicked as he stopped right in front of our crate again.

Of course, this would be the most opportune time for Yuri to start mumbling in her sleep, just like before.

"Jin…”

Surprised, I quickly move to cover her mouth.

“What the fuck was that?” The predator came closer and squatted down, his face visible now. I stared at him straight in the eyes as he looked straight back at mine, goosebumps forming on my skin. “Predator 608, did you find anything?” The unit leader’s voice echoed inside the warehouse. Breaking his intense stare, he snapped his head up only to say, “No, I found nothing.”

_What?_

“You’re as useless as ever, 608,” The unit leader sighed in exasperation as he stepped back inside the warehouse. “We’re going back to the alley, I want to see if we missed anything.”

“Alright,” the other predator replied, taking a few steps before he halted and looked back at our crate. I finally heard both of them leave and relief came in waves as I breathed, calming down my rapidly beating heart. He saw us, I was sure of it, but why hadn't he said anything to his superior? Didn’t he _want_ me dead?

I took my gaze to the top of the crate, my breathing still not completely calm as all these thoughts ran through my mind, when I felt a strange sensation in the palm of my hand. I glanced down to see Yuri’s eyes open and wandering, and I instantly retracted my hand in embarrassment. “I-I’m so sorry, but you were mumbling in your sleep again and predators were after us so I had to hide us and one of them heard you mumbling so I had to- “

“Predators…?” She interrupted my rambling, not showing any sign of being bothered by what I had done. “Well, yeah…” I said as she looked up at me, confusion evident in her eyes. I heard my heart throbbing in my ears as she stared at me, realizing her head was still on my chest. “Look, let’s just get out of here and I’ll explain everything later. Sound good?” I offered and she nodded slowly. I could tell she was still a bit weak.

Healing complicated wounds really took a lot out of a mender.

I pushed out the siding and she jolted up and out of the crate before I could even offer to help her out myself. I quickly followed, stunned at her strength despite everything. The back of my mind was nagging at me, wondering if she’d been through stuff like this before. How else would she have such endurance?

She whirled around to look at me with slightly red cheeks, which I could only assume were from how hot it was inside the crate.

“You got a plan?”

“I know a place where we can go, yeah.” I ruffled my hair out of habit, walking ahead to lead her. “You know, don’t you?” She asked in a tone I’d never heard come out of her before. It almost sounded like she was afraid of me.

I froze in my tracks, looking back to stare down at where the bullet wound should still be.

\----------

I woke up to find myself in some sort of crate, but not only that, _Jimin’s hand was on my mouth?!_

_what the fuck was going on?!_

The more I regained awareness, the more I realized how claustrophobic the place we were in was. I felt Jimin’s breath hitting the top of my head, his breathing uneven and rapid. I could feel his chest against my head and back. I felt the furious beating of his heart. I quickly decided to look around and figure out what was going on, because if I focused on the fact that I was so close to another human being, especially since that human being was Jimin, I’d fucking scream.

_Scream at the reason why my heart was beating equally fast._

Jimin abruptly took his hand away from my mouth, finally giving me the relief of being able to breathe better in such a small space, but then began to ramble about some predators being after us. The term sounded familiar, but I ended up drawing a blank and chose to ask about them. “Predators…?”

“Well, yeah…” He softly trailed off. The confusion must have been painted all over my face. “Look, let’s just get out of here and I’ll explain everything later. Sound good?” I nodded slowly, suddenly feeling how all the muscles in my body were fatigued, but I wanted nothing more than to get out of this box and away from Jimin’s proximity. I started to blush furiously as he reached around me to kick out the siding and jolted out of there as fast as I could. The heat in my cheeks made me feel like I was burning alive.

I took calming breaths, deciding not to turn around right away for fear that he’d see how red my face was. When the silence became uncomfortable, I turned to ask if he had some sort of plan at all. I felt the flush on my cheeks still, but there was nothing I could do about it now. I could only hope he assumed it was because of something else entirely.

“I know a place where we can go, yeah,” He said simply as he walked past me, assumingly to lead the way, but my brain had other plans. “You know, don’t you?” I blurted out, my voice shaking toward the end. I knew that the wound in my chest had already healed. There was no way he hadn't found out.

Jimin stopped walking and turned back to stare at me, looking to where the bullet wound was. _Where it should still be._ I closed my eyes and bit the inside of my bottom lip, knowing the answer without him having to tell me.

“Know what?” He questioned, playing clueless even though we both knew what I was asking. “You know exactly what I mean,” I retorted, feeling my emotions starting to swirl into a ball of anger. “No, I don’t,” He said with furrowed brows. “Clarify what you mean.” He stepped up to me expectantly, eyes shining down on me, begging me to spill the secret that I had guarded for so many years. 

“That I can heal,” I muttered, wishing it weren’t true.

I watched as his face steadily changed from slightly angry to soft and understanding. “Yeah, I know. I know you’re a mender, but- “

“I’m not a mender,” I spat out, my hands balled into fists at my sides. I shouldn’t tell him what I was, but what choice did I have?

“What do you mean you’re not a mender? I saw your healed bullet wound. Not even a mender could heal that fast with the injection in their system, so maybe you’re a bit different, but there’s no way you’re not one. What else could you be?!” He sounded completely convinced, his brows coming together as he ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m not a mender, Jimin. I’m a defective.” His face didn’t change, angered confusion painting every inch of his face. “What? What are you even talking about?” He continued to question. “It’s exactly what it sounds like. I’m defective. I’m only _half_ a mender.” I said it with more confidence now, because if I was going to be shunned I might as well have my pride.

“Half…a mender. How…? I’m- “ He tried to piece his thoughts together, but couldn't seem to process what I’d just told him. We were rare after all, and no one really educated or talked about what we were. “Even if one of your parents wasn’t a mender, you should have still been a full-fledged mender. I don’t understand…”

I immediately regretted bringing the subject up, mostly for his sake. As much as he sucked me into whatever the fuck was going on with him, he didn’t need this on top of it. It would only put him in more danger.

“I mean,” He huffed, running a hand through his hair yet again, “It doesn’t even matter to me, Yuri.” Jimin looked up from the ground to me. “I don’t care what you are, quite frankly. Even though I don’t really get it, I hope you’ll be able to tell me more.” Jimin sighed and glanced down at my fisted hands. “There’s no need for you to fear me, Yuri. I won’t hate you.”

“What?” I muttered, completely shocked at the words he’d chosen to say to me. I gazed into his eyes, going back and forth to see where the lies could be hidden in his demeanor.

I found none. All I saw were kindness and sincerity.

Was it that obvious that I was afraid of anyone finding out about me?

_I won’t hate you._

“And…. I’m so damn sorry I got you into this mess. I feel horrible about you getting hurt because of me.” The guilt was written all over his face and something in me cracked a fraction.

_I won’t hate you._

Those words he'd just said were repeating in my mind a million times a minute. He didn’t even know what a defective was yet, how could he possibly say that so carelessly?

“It’s fine,” I said nonchalantly. “I don’t know what kind of shit you’re involved in, but I survived just fine.” I moved my shirt, revealing my half-faded scar to him. “There’s no need to feel bad. I’ve had worse,” I confessed unthinkingly, but quickly recovered and attempted to change the subject. “A-Anyways, didn’t you have a plan? Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise,” He smirked, taking my hand in his.


	10. The Sacrament

We arrived breathless at the bus stop, having run two miles without stopping. Jimin kept us hidden through the alley's shadows just in case there was any chance they were still looking for us.

“Oh shit,” I said through wheezes as I noticed my blood-soaked shirt. “How am I going to hide this on the bus?!” I whispered frantically, even though the bus stop was empty of any witnesses. The adrenaline was starting to wear off and now I felt nothing but pure panic creeping up my shoulders.

Jimin looked at himself and then back at me, then started to take off his black hoodie. “What are you-” I began, but immediately faced away as the shirt underneath the hoodie rode up with it, revealing a beautifully toned torso. “Here, put this on,” He said, handing me the hoodie with a sly grin playing on his lips. “And you’re welcome.”

“Thank you,” I replied with a bit of a bow and put it on. There were faint blood stains on his hoodie, but they would be way easier to hide than my shirt. “I didn’t mean you’re welcome for the sweater,” Jimin teased, the grin spreading all the way to his eyes, shaping them into crescents.

“Shut the hell up Jimin,” I retorted with a huff, to which he just giggled.

_If there was one word to describe that boy, it was giggly._

“It’s a bit big on you,” he stated, observing how it fit me with his head cocked to the side. “Yeah, but that’s fine. I love loose fitting clothes,” I confessed, playing with the sweater paws gleefully. I heard Jimin mutter something under his breath but didn’t quite catch it. “What did you say?"

He opened his mouth and closed it, looking to the left instead of answering. “Oh! The bus is here! Come on,” He said, rushing forward and leaving me behind.

Why the sudden awkwardness? Had I done something to make him uncomfortable?

I followed Jimin as he got on the nearly empty bus and went straight to the seats all the way in the back. I rushed for a window seat, barely beating Jimin to it. “Jeez, all you had to do was ask. No need to nearly run me over,” He exaggerated and I stuck out my tongue in response. “There’s plenty of other window seats available if you want one, Jimin,” I smiled smugly, turning to search for my phone in my jean pockets. By miracle, it was still there in my right pocket. I pulled it out, only to reveal a horribly cracked screen as I brought it up to my face. “Beautiful,” I mumbled out, peeved.

I felt Jimin sit down right next to me as I examined the damage, choosing to ignore the immediate warmth his body heat provided. I sighed and decided to be grateful that it at least still worked. I attempted to read the time and guessed that the screen read 10:54 pm. Had all of that really happened in the span of four or five hours?

I stared at my phone, scanning through each crack as I contemplated everything that had happened with Jimin until now. I felt my thoughts clouding my head, the adrenaline completely depleted and leaving me with nothing but a slight headache.

“Do you have any headphones?” I asked abruptly. I was itching to listen to some music to distract my mind from its racing thoughts. “What?” Jimin said with disbelief tainting his voice. “I kind of lost mine when everything happened,” I muttered, embarrassed for even asking and looked over to see Jimin with the most bewildered look on his face. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_ I reprimanded myself.

Despite that, he searched in his jeans until he pulled out blue headphones.

“My savior!” I quietly exclaimed as he handed them to me. “I think it’s the other way around,” He countered, which made me halt my movements of untangling his headphones to look at him.

Why did he look so distraught about it all, when we were both completely fine?

“I didn’t die Jimin. Believe it or not, the gunshot didn’t hurt that much and I’d do it again because I can take it.” I stared at him with a forced smile.

_You can take it because you’re a freak._

Jimin searched my face for a few seconds, searching for something he wouldn't find because I wouldn't let him.

“Are you sure you’re _defected_ and not actually a robot?” He mouthed the word defected slowly, sensitive to the fact that we weren't alone, but I let out a chuckle at his remark. What I wouldn’t give to just be a damn robot. Maybe then, my feelings and my trauma wouldn’t keep me up in the middle of the night.

Jimin took it as a genuine chuckle and I could tell how satisfied he felt that he’d made me laugh. I left it at that and put the earbuds into my ears, opting to look out of the bus window. I felt all the exhaustion from tonight hit me all at once, my body screaming for more sleep and rest. Along with the exhaustion, I started to feel pressure on my shoulder and wondered if maybe I had hurt it while fighting.

I quickly went to rub it when I encountered something fluffy. I whipped my head around to see just what the hell I had grabbed and let out a small squeak.

Park Jimin was now asleep on my shoulder.

Did he think we were such close friends now, that he could just do this?! I had the urge to shove him off for being so comfortable around me when I had given him no reason to be. Or had I?

The strange feelings of distress coupled with the drowsiness I had been fighting off started to drag me down. No matter how much I had trained, today was the first time I had put any of it into practice. I let the thoughts of getting lost float up into the cold bus air because I still didn’t know where we were going and quite frankly didn’t care anymore. I was too tired to let my mind control my exhaustion any longer.

All I knew was that everything would change now and in no way for the better.

\----------

_“What’s that from?!” He blurted out in surprise, but immediately retracted and composed himself, hands folded in front of him. “I mean…how did you get that?”_

_It was summer and I had finally summoned the courage to wear shorts._

_We were meeting at the park like we often did after his part-time job, and of course, Jin knew what I had been through. He also knew I trusted him more than anything in this world. Moving to sit on the swing next to his, I started to fidget with the sand under my feet as I explained._

_“I was ‘training’ once and I made a mistake. The superiors weren’t too happy that their golden child had fucked up. My punishment was to heal an acidic burn,” I exhaled shakily. I still remembered how the acid had seared through all my skin and muscle at such a slow pace, ready to eat my bone alive._

_“They made me wait for hours until the acid ate through everything and got to my bone. It was the most agonizing pain I had ever felt. I screamed for all that time, even though my voice gave out halfway through.” I stared at my feet as I recalled how much I writhed in pain and yelled for mercy. I also recalled the disgusted looks on their faces. They didn’t know what mercy was. It wasn’t in their vocabulary._

_“By the end of it all, by the time I gained the strength to heal… All I could manage was this. It still left a small scar.” I looked up at Jin who was still staring at the side of my thigh, where the remnants of the burn were located. “They were pretty unhappy that I couldn’t heal the burn either, but they left me alone for a while after that. I considered myself lucky. I had seen the same punishment go wrong for so many that I had thought were stronger than me.”_

_We sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. Then, Jin got up from his swing, pulled me up from mine and gave me the longest hug of my life. He hugged me for at least five minutes before I could feel a sort of dampness at the top of my head. “I don’t believe you,” He finally spoke, his voice trembling._

_“What? I know it doesn’t look like much, but I swear- “I began to retort, but Jin quickly shut me up._

_“I don’t believe you. I see you and I don’t believe you. Do you know that?”_

_At this point he was holding me tighter, squeezing me as if I’d disappear._

_“I look at you as you tell me all these awful stories and think, impossible. There’s no way that it happened to you, someone who means so much to me. Someone who looks so fragile that they might break. But at the same time, I know, I know it happened to you because the scars are there. I know it’s real because I see the pain in your eyes every time I look at you, and yet you’re the strongest person I have ever met. You’re so strong, Yuri, because you have the strength to smile through everything, and it’s the brightest thing I’ve ever witnessed.”_

_That evening in that small park near his house, we both cried while holding each other._

_“Thank you, Jin.”_

_I cried because I felt sorry._

_I felt so damn sorry because I knew that at that moment I had fallen even more in love with him._

_I’m sorry, my first love._

\----------

I took a deep breath and let the mixed smell of flowers and wet earth fill my lungs.

_“I hear you weep so far from here  
I taste your tears like you're next to me”_

I lingered there with my eyes closed, basking in the relaxation I currently felt. It had been so long since I hadn't had a nightmare.

_“And I know my weak prayers are not enough to heal”_

I blinked my eyes open slowly and for the first time felt the wetness of my cheeks.

_“The ancient wounds so deep and so dear  
The revelation is of hatred and fear”_

How I wished it could have been true.

I could at least take comfort in the fact that I didn’t remember any of it, for once.

_“The sacrament of love  
The sacrament of warmth is true  
The sacrament is you”_

I sat up and opened my eyes fully, only to have a slight gasp leave my lips. The view from where I had been sleeping was astonishing. Separating the room from the outside was clear pristine glass and beyond it were flowers; chrysanthemum’s; dahlia’s; lily’s; and daisies, all strewn across the ground in various beautiful colors.

As I looked around and observed the beautiful scenery, a thought nagged at the back of my mind. I had no recollection of coming to this place? The last thing I remembered was falling asleep on the bus…

_Jimin._

I glanced down and saw I was still wearing his sweater along with his headphones. I took the headphones out of my ears and placed them on the nightstand, standing up cautiously.

Was this a nightmare?

_What kind of nightmare would be this beautiful?_

_Then, a dream?_

I walked out of the room and into the hallway, where the setup was essentially the same; glass and flowers, but this time there were trees mixed in. The hall eventually lead out to a kitchen, where I could see a figure near the stove cooking. A wave of fear ran through my veins, but even if it was a dream it would go by quickly.

I gathered up my courage, heart thrumming in my ears and snuck up to the figure stealthily, or so I had thought, only to have them turn around and look at me from the corner of their eye. A sweet relief filled my stomach as I realized it was Jimin.

_Relief?_

“What are you doing?” He asked, turning back to his task with a giggle. I realized too late, as I usually did around him, that I’d been in a weird sneaking position since he caught me. I straightened myself out and regained my dignity with a huff. “So, you’re giggly even in the mornings?” I said without a second thought. He spun around again to raise an eyebrow at me before replying, “Only when people try to sneak up on me and fail.” He flipped a pancake expertly and my mouth watered, my stomach grumbling a little too loudly.

“Whatever, this is a dream anyway,” I blurted out. “What?” He retorted in a high pitch, completely losing it while leaning on the counter for support. “I mean, this isn’t real. You’re not real…?” I questioned, moving toward him and pinching his cheek as I’d always wanted to do. He stared back at me with wide eyes. His cheek felt too warm, too soft and full of life under my fingers to be a dream.

So, naturally, I screamed.

When would I stop making a fool of myself in front of this guy?!

“I-I-I’m so _sorry_.” I panicked, breaking away from his shocked face quickly and felt myself turn beetroot red. With my face buried in my hands, I tried to explain myself. “I just- I could have sworn this was a dream because this scenery is too surreal and I don’t remember getting here and I didn’t remember my nightmare from last night so I thought I was for sure still asleep because I _never ever_ sleep well- “

“Yuri, _breathe_ ,” Jimin said soothingly, snapping me out of my hysterical breakdown.

I took my hands off my face and looked at him. “I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you for pinching my cheek, but you’re definitely not in a dream.” I groaned at his first statement and decided that this was definitely a nightmare. “Sure, it was a struggle to get you off the bus since you were still half asleep, but I carried you just fine otherwise.”

Jimin spread his arms wide, along with a smile that might break his face and stated, “Welcome to my favorite place in the world!”

\----------

“So, are you going to explain why three men in black suits were beating you up, or do I have to guess?”

I watched Jimin as he tried not to spit out the orange juice he had just drank, only to fail miserably as he dribbled it all over his chin. “You don’t waste any time, do you?” He concluded, wiping off the juice from his face.

“I guess curiosity got the better of me,” I replied nonchalantly, enjoying another piece of my pancake. I was burning with every fiber of my being to know as to why I had gotten into this mess and exposed myself. I wanted answers. No, I _needed_ them. I needed to justify why I could trust Jimin, why I dropped everything and fought for him.

“Alright, since you’re so curious. I guess I owe my savior that much, right?” Jimin said bitterly, staring fire straight into my eyes. I almost flinched, but restrained myself and kept a calm demeanor. “Those men wanted me dead,” He exhaled, looking down at his lap for a moment, an audible inhale shaking his whole frame. I opened my mouth to ask why anyone would want him dead, but Jimin cut me off with his stare that was now back on me. “Because I’m a mender.”

_Oh._ I had kind of figured that out from Ji Eun’s story though, hadn’t I?

Jimin’s face suddenly crumbled and he buried his face in his hands, catching me completely off guard. I partially got up to go to him when he whispered through gritted teeth, “I’m a mender... that used to work for the government.”

“What?!” I shrieked, stopping in my tracks. The room started to spin.

“I was a government spy.” He said it as if he was in worst pain he’d ever been in. I slipped down to the floor, trembling, hugging my knees and on the verge of tears. Somewhere in the distance, I could faintly hear Jimin calling my name, but it was already too late. I felt like all the air had been sucked out of my lungs for good, the room swimming in swirls of color all around me.

All I could do was put my palms to my tear soaked eyes and wail.

“Seokjin.”

 

 

_I am truly sorry, my first love._


	11. Your Guardian Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well... that escalated quickly?  
>   
>   
>  ****
> 
>  
> 
> **caligo [latin] (n): darkness, mist, dark, fog, gloom, vapour.**  
> 

_“Seokjin!”_

_For a moment I felt my lungs burn, but as quickly as I had felt the sensation – everything went numb._

_“No, let go of him! Take me instead! Take me back instead!” I screamed, thrashing against both predator’s grips on my arms._

_What happened after that felt like a lie. I had never wanted to be separated from the only person I had loved in this world._

They’d have to kill me first, _is what I had always thought._

_But one quickly realizes how useless and powerless they truly are in those moments._

\----------

“Yuri! Yuri, please! I need you to calm down, you’re scaring me!” Jimin pleaded as his hands hovered over me, knowing that I probably wanted nothing to do with him. And he was right. His kind took everything that I loved away from me. I stood up as the anger shook my frame, Jimin slowly getting up himself from his crouching position on the ground.

“You want me to fucking calm down!?” I stared at him with fire now burning in my eyes, hoping that they’d pierce right through his. “Your ilk took everything away from me and you want me to calm down?!” I inched closer, not caring about the distance or about what could happen to me. All I could feel at that moment was blinding rage. “You have no right to tell me shit!”

Jimin flinched and looked down at the ground, effectively leaving me speechless. Watching such an expression come over his features made all the anger I felt dissipate in an instant. The urge I had to comfort him overwhelmed me and it shocked me how he had such an effect on me, but I refused to give into these feelings for him. They’d have to be erased. I had to fight them off because he couldn’t be trusted.

“All this time, you were gaining my trust and for what? Are you going to turn me into the government now?” I said as fresh tears threatened to swell over, the hurt in my voice evident. Truthfully, I was more upset with myself than anything else. I had let myself get too comfortable around Jimin. I had even started to trust him. How could I have been so stupid?

I had always been wary of people, but he came into my life and immediately began breaking down the walls I had built. How could I have let that happen? How foolish of me to believe I could trust Jimin with a secret like mine… And now that he knew what I was, what would become of me?

“You make me sick, turning on your own people like that,” I ended, my voice cracking a fraction. I turned away from him, already looking for the quickest exit. There was no way in hell I’d wait for him to turn me in. But just as I began to head for the kitchen window, I heard him.

_“Run faster, Yuri! I need you to run faster because then they can’t get to you. I won’t let them!”_

What horrible timing.

But then again, our timing was never the best.

Tears immediately resumed running down my face as I held onto the glass wall next to me for support. These vivid memories that I had blocked out purposely for years are now too much to bear. It was as if he were right there in front of me, a bright smile on display as he dared me to catch up to him. I could feel my chest caving in more and more as the flashbacks continued to come across my vision. It felt like I was dying for the second time in my life and the bullet I took for Jimin didn't count. That hurt far, far less than this.

_“Please, whatever happens,”_

“Stop,” I whispered to myself, putting my left hand on top of my eyes as if that would shut off everything.

_“Survive. Live your life. You deserve to be happy.”_

“I was happy,” I murmured as I slid down the glass wall in hysterics, so lost in the memory that I didn’t realize Jimin was watching me the whole time.

_“And know that I love you. I have always loved you.”_

“I’m not strong enough this time, Jin,” I mumbled shakily into my tear-soaked hands.

_I’m not, I’m not, I’m not._

It wasn’t enough to miss him or have these memories of him. My brain remembered the scent of his skin so vividly, it drove me crazy. It also remembered how unique and dorky his laugh was. How his fingers weren’t exactly perfect, but they intrigued me, or how his eyes were so blindingly icy white it took my breath away. After all this time, I still remembered every single little detail of his.

And I hated it.

Because these memories were torturous and cruel. They kept me up at night when all I had ever wished for since that night was peace in my heart. How futile that thought had been… But it was the only thing that made me believe I’d see him again one day.

“Just let me be with you, Jin.”

I closed my eyes for a second when I suddenly felt a warmth spread around me and I wondered for a minute if it was him, giving me a sign that everything was going to be okay. But then I heard Jimin whisper ever so gently, “Who’s Seokjin?”

My eyes flew open at the sound of his voice and I backed up into the wall even more, if that was even possible. He continued to hold his hands up in surrender, crossed legged on the floor across from me now. I looked down at myself, barely registering the thin blanket that had been draped over me. “What is this?” I swiftly hardened my demeanor.

“Look,” He began hoarsely, “I won’t deny that what I did was lowly. I was a horrible person with ambitions I didn’t understand the consequences of.” He peeked up at me from under his eyelashes tentatively, then moved his right hand to the ring adorning his left index finger. Was he doing that on purpose?

“But I promise you, that’s in the past,” He said, making eye contact with me. I tried my best to stay calm and not flinch, gripping the blanket in between my fingers tightly. “I’m not going to turn you in. You’re safe here.” He uttered the words slowly as if that would help convince me of his sincerity. Unfortunately for him, I didn’t need any sort of convincing.

“I don’t believe a word you say anymore.” I stood up and made a run for the window again when I felt a sensation on my wrist that pulled me back instantaneously. “Where are you gonna go, Yuri?! The predators are looking for us both!” He spun me around, never using more force than necessary. I felt my heart pounding in my ears now, dizzying me the slightest bit. This body of mine reacted to his touch before I could even think, and it was starting to irritate me. “I can’t let you leave, just for you to get caught by one of them! Pleas-”

“Let me go, Jimin!” I yelled, just as a flashback popped into my mind for the second time.

_“They can’t get to you. I won’t let them!”_

The wording couldn’t have been more different, so why? Why, why, _why_? In fact, I was tired of always asking why. I’d had enough.

All I wanted was for this pain to end.

“I don’t fucking care if I get caught anymore!” I shouted. “I don’t care if they catch me because they can’t kill me!” I struggled against his grip on my arms. It was useless, wasn’t it? Futile, that I wanted to survive because Jin told me I should. If I didn’t care anymore, why was I still fighting?

I slowed down and stopped my thrashing, the only thing left being my heavy breathing as I stood. “God, how I wish they had killed me.” It had been a long time since I had felt what I was feeling now, at least to this extent. The numbness that I had felt when he was taken away from me.

\----------

My eyes widened at her words. That couldn’t be true. “Yuri, you don’t mean that…” The breath caught in my throat, nearly choking me up. I stared at her and could only see an unfathomable amount of pain and the only thing I could think of was wanting to take it all away from her.

It was possible for me, after all.

“I do!” She screeched back, her throat raspy from all the yelling. I inhaled a deep breath and tried to concentrate on her pain, attempting to locate it. A blur of pitch black darkness appeared on her head and I exhaled my breath. Her _caligo_ was a formidable size, much larger than what I had been trained to undertake. “I just want to be with him!” Yuri cried.

I was standing there, frozen in place, watching her break down in front of me.

I had held back so many times before because I knew she had her reservations about me. I knew she didn’t care for me in the way that I had grown to care about her in the short time we had known each other. I _knew_ that. But watching her be in so much pain was the breaking point for me. Scared of how she would react and on the verge of trembling, I pulled her into my arms and shut my eyes tight.

I didn’t know how effective a hug would be, but she buckled at the knees and it took all my strength to keep her standing up with me. “I just want to be with Jin. Seokjin…”

_Jin._

What was it about this Jin that pained her so much?

“Would you believe me if I said I could make you feel better? Even for just a little while?” I opened my eyes and moved to cradle her head and neck closer to my chest, the dark matter so visible I wondered how I hadn’t seen it before. She was still a sobbing mess, the only thing I could hear her mumbling being “Jin.”

I pursed my lips at the thought of what could happen if I consumed the _caligo_. I had never done it before. They had trained us at the government facility, but it hadn’t come with the actual consequences of consuming one. At least, not for me.

“Do-” I inhaled, “Do you think you can trust me this one last time, Yuri?” I tried again. She was shivering against me and still unresponsive. If she didn’t give me permission I wouldn’t be able to do it, for morality sake, but even if she rejected my offer, I hoped that at least this was comforting enough.

_It’s strange. She feels so small against me, fragile in her own right, but so strong._

“I believe in you, Yuri. I’ve witnessed how strong you are first hand,” I rambled, not really sure where this was going. “I think you’re amazing.” At that, she looked up at me, her face tear stained and red. At the sight of her, all I could feel was a familiar heat creeping up my cheeks.

What was I doing? This wasn't the time to be confessing what I felt.

“What are you even saying?”

“I-I don-” I began to stutter. I didn’t have an answer, so I quickly changed the subject. “Let me help you rest for a bit, Yuri. I can take your pain away and you know it.” She stared at me incredulously and I visibly tensed. I reminded myself that it didn’t matter if she rejected this, as long as she calmed down and stayed safe.

“You’re willing to take away my _caligo_?” The question had so much weight to it, but I didn’t hesitate to nod in affirmation. I let her go as she stared down at the marble floor, contemplating the offer. “You know that there are consequences to this, right?” She mumbled, her gaze still down and away from me. “I’m completely aware of what could happen, but you don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

“But I do worry.”

I had no time to process what she had just said because she then took me by the hand and lead me down the hall, to the room where she had slept in. _My room._

“Jin… did it to me once before. He said a bed was optimal because of the fainting.” She released my hand to walk around the left side of the bed and took a seat. I do the same, but my thoughts were racing at the information.

_Jin is a mender._

She pursed her lips as she sat across from me cross-legged, her puffy eyes searching my face. “I’m ready when you are,” She exhaled. I moved in closer, matching her position and posture. “Okay,” I replied, nearly close to hyperventilating because of my nervousness. She knew every one of my nervous ticks and I was trying my best to avoid doing any of them. I didn’t want to scare her.

“I need to lean in closer, is that okay?” She seemed hesitant at first but eventually nodded. “I’m going to touch your head because that’s where the caligo is at.” I moved to lean in when I hear, “Jimin.” I stopped where I was, hands halfway to her when she spoke up again. “I do want to hear your side of the story, but know that I still may not trust you entirely after it. Even so, thank you for this. For everything so far. You’ve done a lot for me and I’m grateful.”

It was only fair after what I had told her. What wasn't fair was how she was staring at me, beautiful brown eyes wide and wondrous. It was hard not to get lost in them, but I remembered the task at hand and smiled at her words. “It has always been and always will be, my pleasure, Yuri.” I grinned down at her and then placed my hands near the caligo, the misty dark matter ominous.

I closed my eyes and concentrated on absorbing the mist into my hands, visualizing it entering my veins. At first, I couldn’t feel much other than a cold sensation running through my arms, but the side effects began to happen one by one. The cold sensation turned into a burning, as if my veins had been set on fire from the inside. I was slowly breathing through it, taking in more and more of the caligo at a slower pace, when I started to hear the voices. The voices of everyone I had unwillingly killed, of my loved ones who I mourned over and could never get back. I let out a gasp of pain and immediately felt arms wrap around my waist.

I lost my grip and gazed down at Yuri. The voices and burning sensation were all still there, but I needed to ask her. “Are you okay?”

“Of course, I am. I didn’t know it’d be this painful for you though. I wouldn't have agreed, otherwise.” Her grip tightened on me, almost to the point of not letting me breathe. Through it all, I managed a delirious giggle and tried my best to not let out another yelp of pain as I seized her arms from around me and held them in mine. “Thank you.”

All my life, I had never felt worthy of much. Especially of anyone caring about me. Even though a mender was guaranteed a soulmate, I had never thought I’d make a great one.

I had too many flaws.

I resumed my task, placing my hands on either side of her head, only this time I placed a chaste kiss on her forehead. I felt Yuri stiffen in my hands for a second, but then swiftly relax. I placed my forehead on hers and closed my eyes, concentrating on the small amount of caligo she had left.

I remembered the burning in my veins intensifying terribly along with the voices, but I didn’t remember when it was that we both blacked out.

\----------

_I was late for psychology yet again._

_Ji Eun was in the far distance, walking slowly with someone. I could have sworn she'd said she’d wait for me. I run to catch up to her, ready to scold her for leaving me behind, my stamina much better this time._

This time?

_“Hey Ji Eun, I thought you said you’d wait for me!” I said, slightly out of breath. I turned to look at who she had been walking with, only to be met with a firm chest. I swallowed thickly and trailed my eyes slowly up to the persons face, only to have my fears realized._

_He had bandages for a face._

_But this time the hair and leather jacket were wrong. The dirty blonde hair seemed far too familiar to confuse it with anyone else, along with his black leather jacket. His signature black leather jacket._

_I automatically reached out for the disheveled bandage hanging down from his face, the fear bubbling in the pit of my stomach so much that I stopped from unraveling the bandages a few times. But as soon as I uncovered the plump lips I had missed so much, I knew._

_I let the bandage fall from my hands as Jin stood there in all his glory, beautiful in every way that I had remembered him to be._

_“Oh, my god,” I said, a silent whisper between the two of us as he opened his eyes._

_They were brown. Not the icy white that had once taken my breath away. In a way, it was worse that they were brown because they were even more gorgeous._

_I didn’t hesitate to throw my arms around him, seizing the moment to feel the warmth that I had missed for so long. “I missed you so much,” I exhaled, voice unstable as I snuggled into him more. I felt his chest vibrate, a dorky laugh emitting from him as he replied, “I know you have. I’m sorry.”_

_“I don’t have much time, Yuri. So, listen up.” I gripped him tighter, not willing to let him get away from me. Not this time, please._

_Please let him stay with me._

_“Remember this: the morning will come again, because no darkness, no season, can last forever,” He whispered into my ear. “Remember that I love you.” I fell forward before a response could fall from my lips and just like that, he was gone from my arms. From my existence. Again._

\----------

I must have been screaming. At least, that was what Jimin’s groggy and frightened eyes were conveying as I stared at them wide-eyed, chest heaving.

“Why are you crying?” He questioned with worry, moving his hand to wipe away a tear. I didn’t shy away from the gesture, but it was embarrassing to think of how much I had cried in front of him. As his hand lingered on my cheek, I could see how the veins in his forearm were now tainted a charcoal gray. Did Jin really hide all these awful side effects from me?

“Does it hurt?” I asked, not willing to answer why. I think he'd heard enough about Jin for now. Jimin took his gaze over to his forearm, where I was tracing the remnants of what I had left behind in his veins. “No, not anymore,” He replied, his voice weak. I stopped my movements and looked at him again. “I’m sorry.” I couldn’t think of what else to say to him. I felt so guilty for agreeing to what caused him pain.

“Hey, do you remember when I asked if you could show me more cool songs?” He grinned, his eyes disappearing for a moment and all I could think was that he looked so fragile. Jimin was fragile, wasn’t he?

How had I never realized it before?

“Yeah,” I smiled back. I turned over to the nightstand to grab my phone and his headphones, already scrolling through which song I could show him. Maybe a softer one than last time, one that would lull him back to sleep? But then I saw it. The song Jin had sung to me so many times before sleeping to stave away the nightmares.

I carefully reached over and placed the left earbud in his ear and then mine, pressing play.

As it began, he seemed to remember something. “You know, we’re going to have to change our hair colors. They know what we look like.” I nodded and scooted towards him more, whispering, “Let’s just sleep for now.”

He nodded in agreement and closed his eyes, a small smile playing on his lips.

How long had he been running from the government to have that be a priority over his health? I stared at my light pink ends that had needed redyeing ages ago. I sighed and closed my own eyes, knowing in the pit of my stomach that I had judged him way too soon.

Maybe, just maybe, I could actually trust him.

Just as much as I had trusted Jin.

_“I'll be there for you through it all_  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven  
'Cause you're my  
You're mine  
My true love  
My whole heart  
Please don't throw that away  
'Cause I'm here for you  
Please don't walk away and  
Please tell me you'll stay” 

\----------

“I’m sorry Miss Eunha, but we’ve searched everywhere and no luck.”

“Predator 204, do you think this is a game? That you can quit at any time you’d like?” She huffed. “I don’t care if you have to go to the ends of the earth to find him. I want Jimin back at headquarters asap!” She slammed her fist on the desk and walked over to him, her intimidating aura making him nervously gulp.

“Although, I do have something I can use to persuade pretty little miss Yuri,” She smiled, dragging her long and sharp nail down Jaebum’s throat. “And what is that?” He asked, trying his best to keep his composure. There were few things that scared Jaebum, but Eunha was a force to be reckoned with and he didn’t want to be in her line of fire.

“Not what, but whom,” She grinned.

“Whom?” Jaebum asked again, irritated that she couldn’t get straight to the point.

“None other than,” She paused as she returned to her desk and picked up a picture frame. “Kim Seokjin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been awhile and I'm sorry!  
> I hope you guys enjoy the update ^_^  
> and thank you for all the comments about this story, it truly means a lot and keeps me motivated to keep going<3
> 
> Also!!! you could follow me on twitter at [@flordemens](https://twitter.com/flordemens) for updates!


	12. The Truth Untold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit hits the fan... emotionally???

_“Alright. You know the drill. Line up!”_

_The woman in charge of us that day was a screamer, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up every time she opened her mouth._

_I gripped the hem of my shirt with both of my hands, staring at the ground in front of me. Glancing at the feet of the person standing to the right of me, I noticed how their feet were pointing straight forward. I tilted my head in confusion. I had noticed that pattern amongst everyone in my group._

_Why were my feet so different from the rest? Mine never seemed to point forward, no matter how hard I tried. It just made them feel uncomfortable and after a while of persistence, they ended up hurting if I didn’t let them naturally turn out to the sides._

_"Today you will be learning how to absorb caligos. Keep in mind that not everyone gets it right the first time." She grinned sinisterly at our group and I felt my stomach churn. I looked around at everyone who was equally confused on what a caligo was and why we were being trained to absorb it. As I gained enough courage and opened my mouth to ask the person next to me, something caught everyone's attention, especially the boy next to me. His eyes blew wide as saucers as he stared straight ahead, making me afraid to look over at what everyone else was seeing._

_Mouth slightly agape, I turned my head back to the front in defeat. I immediately stiffened at the sight in front of me. People were filing in and moving to stand in front of us, the amount equal to the number of kids in our group. My goosebumps now turned into shivers of fear, wracking my body visibly. I never had a good feeling about group activities because of where we were, but something about this scared me more than anything we had ever done._

_"You will now be shown by the eldest in your group how this is done, so pay close attention or you will be taken care of accordingly."_

_The eldest in our group was a girl at the age of seventeen. I instinctively moved my feet forward, ready to volunteer in her place, when the boy next to me shot out his arm and pushed me back in place, shaking his head only enough for me to see. The look on his face told me everything. He had been here longer than I had by a few months and from the look on his face, sadness twisted with worry, I knew that nothing good was to come out of what we were about to do._

_The girl named Joy stepped forward confidently. The woman in charge watched as the trainer led Joy to the person standing in front of her, instructing Joy to put her hands on his chest. His chest had a small black dot that looked ominous, the darkness of it sending shivers all over my body once more. She concentrated her hands above the foggy black mist, the trainer calmly telling her to visualize her absorbing it into her veins._

_Joy had always excelled at everything that was asked of her, but today was different. Her veins began to turn a charcoal black and her knees buckled, letting out a silent scream as she fell to the ground. I jolted in surprise at the sight. There wasn't anything any of us could even do to help her, either. We would be reprimanded in the worst way and as I had been advised from the start, everyone avoided it at all costs. No one else moved a muscle, not a single twitch of a finger as we saw her writhe in pain on the floor, the trainer exhaling an exasperated sigh and scooping her up to take her to the infirmary._

_I swallowed down the thickness in my throat and searched the faces of the rest of my group, all of them having paled at the task that now awaited them._

_If I had known then what I knew now, I wouldn't have bothered to stay. If I had known what would become of me, maybe I would have made different decisions that led to me never existing further._

\----------

I awoke to the sound of a beating heart.

Except this heart was beating at such a high speed that I sprung my eyes open in worry. It sounded exactly like mine felt when I woke up from a nightmare. My fingertips brushed against the cotton of someone's shirt, their chest firm and heaving.

Alarm set in.

I inched my head upward to see who I was up against and got slightly startled at the sight of him. Everything suddenly came back to me in waves and, of course, who else would it have been?

Who had I been expecting to see?

Jimin had his arm lightly around me, cradling me in the nook of his upper arm and chest. For a split second I thought I could stay there a bit longer, the comfort almost lulling me back to sleep, but then my hazy half opened eyes saw the sudden change in his features. It was so drastic, how his calm sleeping face quickly twisted into one of pain.

I carefully rose up on my left elbow and gently wiped the cold sweat from his forehead with the sleeve of my sweater, then smoothed his hair back and away from his face.

_“Are you erasing me?”_

It was faint, fainter than it had been in years. Faint, but still unforgiving.

I retracted my hand with a shaky breath, slowly easing myself out of his embrace.

Why were my mind and heart constantly out of sync with each other? Hadn’t I decided that even though I would hear Jimin out, that I still wanted nothing to do with him regardless?

It was tiring, going back and forth between what my heart and mind wanted. I glanced over at Jimin's now calm sleeping face once more before silently slipping off the bed and down the hallway, in search of my phone. Maybe I could call Hoseok to pick me up from wherever this was. I had been here too long.

As I neared the end of the hallway, I passed a light blue blanket that was splayed on the floor. I didn’t recall registering the color in the slightest last night. Continuing toward the kitchen, untouched and in a bit of a disarray, I glanced at the uneaten pancakes and pile of dishes in the sink. None of what had happened felt real until now, the evidence of it everywhere I looked.

In the corner of my eye, I saw a tiny flashing yellow light and walked toward it, recognizing the familiar shape of my phone. Upon unlocking it, I saw that I had a few texts from Ji Eun and Hoseok. I tapped on Hoseok’s name and hovered my finger over the call button when a thought wedged itself into my mind, nagging and gnawing at me until I could no longer ignore it.

_"You know, we're going to have to change our hair colors. They know what we look like."_

If I called Hoseok and those predators saw me with him, would I be putting him in danger?

A flash of faded orange hair ran across my vision and I gripped my phone until my knuckles turned white, the anger rising in me. I couldn’t drag anyone else into whatever this was. Admittedly, I wasn’t angry at Jimin. This would have happened to me eventually, too. The only difference was that Jimin had been more of a high risk unbeknownst to me. But even if I had known, would I have stayed away?

Shaking all thoughts from my mind and determinedly tying my hair up into a bun, I pulled my hood over my head and swiftly wrote a small note to Jimin that I'd be gone for a bit in case he woke up. The last thing I needed was for him to be wandering the streets hallucinating.

As I was deciding where to leave the note, I heard footsteps from behind me and instantly froze in place. “Are you leaving?” Jimin said groggily, his voice as deep and raspy as I remembered it. I turned around with the note in my hand. “Oh, well, I…”

In the seconds it had taken me to turn around, he had made his way to me and plucked the note out from my hand. He carefully squinted at the note, holding it far too close to his face.

“Do you need glasses?” I asked curiously. It seemed I was never one for delicacy when it came to him.

He finished reading the note and then glared at me with overly squinted eyes, before pushing his palms into his eyes and rubbing at them slowly. I breathed in purposefully then, my heart threatening to do several flips inside my rib cage. It only slightly worked.

“Yeah, I have contacts in right now but they’re really blurry. I need to take them out.”

He continued to make faint noises from the uncomfortability of his lenses and all I could think of was that this was no good. The more time I spent with him, the more I wanted to know about him.

I glanced up at his arms, at the veins in them. They were now lightly dusted here and there with grey and the unsettling feeling in my stomach returned. It didn't seem to matter how many times Jimin assured me it was fine and that he would eventually be okay. The split-second decision to take away my caligo had been a mistake.

“Jimin, your veins, I-”

“Let’s get the hair dye together. Just let me get changed, okay? Actually, you should too.” His hair covered his eyes and his smile was tired and drained.

The continuation of my sentence died on my tongue. I no longer had the heart to bring it up anymore.

“Okay.”

\----------

I could see why Jimin loved his greenhouse.

It was secluded in the forest, but just barely, so he could still get the things he wanted or needed easily. The mile walk to the store was beautiful, too.

We walked the whole way in silence.

And maybe it could have been what Jimin had done, but I truly hadn’t enjoyed any type of scenery since I lost Jin. It had never felt right for me to enjoy something he so desperately wanted to experience. But right now, I breathed in the fresh air without a care in the world and admired the huge towering trees above me.

As I snuggled further into another one of Jimin’s black hoodies, for the first time in a while, I felt light.

\----------

Maybe it was childish of me to run off the way I did as soon as we got inside the store, but I ran straight past the register and into an aisle full of beauty products.

The awkward silence that had flowed between us the whole way was driving me up a wall. Especially after what had happened. I needed to talk to him about it before the guilt ate me alive once again.

For now, I calmly strode past all the cosmetics just as I heard Jimin arrive at the beginning of the aisle, and decided to quickly turn into the next one myself but stopped short at the sight in front me.

How could I have forgotten?

It was mid-September now, and some people actually looked forward to October.

“Hey, why are you running away from me? Are you five?” Jimin came up behind me with a playful tone, glasses with clear brown eyes glimmering through, but it all looked blurry and sounded muffled to me.

Tainted? The moment was tainted. All I could do was stare at the contacts in front of me as if I had tunnel vision.

I knew that I should have felt something more. Perhaps I should have broken down into a crying fit again or had an anxiety attack. I felt nothing more than emptiness and a tug at my soul. I remembered why I felt this empty pain, but the emotions just weren’t there for me to express.

“They’re actually selling these in stores now?” Jimin scoffed, reaching over to examine the advertised pair of contacts that were ice white, with huge black font that read ‘Just like a mender’s!’

I stared at his hand that enclosed the vial of contacts, his own emotions of anger showing on his face as he stared down at me. I placed my hand on his and pried the vials out, placing them back where they belonged.

“Let’s just get the dye and get out of here.”

We shared a look of mutual sadness and moved along before any predators could figure out we had been there.

The fact that they allowed commercialization of the very thing they hunted and hated. Used and abused. Menders were now costumes for Halloween, as if how hard their life is was a joke.

At the realization, at the flashes of Jin’s beautiful eyes behind my vision, I felt like I finally found some clarity. I was slowly starting to realize that I was utterly tired of being afraid for my life because of what I was. Something I had no control over, that menders and the defected like me had no say in.

But just what would be the final straw?

\----------

As much as my mind and body were screaming for me to leave the instant we got back, Jimin somehow convinced me that it would be better for me to dye my hair before leaving. In the back of my mind I knew that even if I did, they could still find me. Dyeing our hair was enough to throw them off, but not for long. Knowing that full well, somehow, I still managed to stay.

The instant comfortability I felt around him resonated in me more than ever, as if what had happened with my caligo had brought us closer in some strange sense. At this point, I didn’t want to bother with overthinking it. For once I just wanted to let things flow. But, who was I kidding? This didn’t feel anything like me.

And it was scary.

“You don’t think this is too much of a drastic change?” I tilted my head as I examined the blue dye on my head and Jimin’s pink in the mirror of his bathroom.

As experienced as we were with dyeing our own hair, I just didn’t know if I could keep up the color. Blue was such a bitch to take care of. “I should have picked something else,” I pouted. “Really? I like the shade of blue you chose, though.”

“You think it’ll turn out well?” I questioned genuinely, extremely worried that the color would wash out in one try. “Yeah, just leave it on for a little longer than usual since it’s a bit pastel and it should be fine.” Jimin giggled, rubbing the bottom of his nose cutely with his index finger. “You sure do worry about every little thing.” I stiffened at the observation, but he wasn’t wrong.

I sighed and sat down on the toilet seat cover, moving to the side to plop my arms and head on the long glass counter of the sink. I stole glances at Jimin who was sitting on a stool of his own, serenely twisting the ring on his thumb. His veins were tainted the slightest grey still. My skin crawled with the words that I had been wanting to tell him again for some time now.

“Jimin… I-” I began but became a bit flustered when he looked up from what he was doing and nearly lost my resolve. “I want you to know that I am sorry about the side effects. If I had known, I would have never agreed to it.”

“You’ve already said you’re sorry, Yuri. It’s fine.” He grinned and wiped at his nose again. “Plus, you seem to be feeling better,” Jimin commented, smiling up at the ceiling instead of looking at me. I eyed his messy hair, the saturated pastel pink dye making it stand up in all sorts of directions. “Yeah, thanks to you.”

He smiled down at his ring then, a smile that didn’t reach his eyes in the least.

“But I could never forgive myself if you continue having nightmares. I was out of my mind to accept your offer.” I stared at the glass wall in front of me, the various types of flowers flowing in the slight wind. “I’ve always had nightmares, Yuri. Living the life I have, I’m haunted by a lot of things. Maybe they’ll be intensified – more vivid and realistic for some time, but I can take it. Don’t worry about it.”

I couldn’t help but feel like for once, he was the one pushing me away. This time it was him keeping me at arm’s length and not me. “I do worry. So, deal with it.”

“Yeah? Well, what if I don’t want to?” He stood up abruptly and for a moment a sharp chill went down my spine in intimidation, but before I knew it he was inches away from my face. “You deal with this, then,” He casually whispered into my ear before smearing something cold onto my cheek, making me jump up in surprise and knocking my head right into his chin. “Jesus, talk about instant karma!” He laughed, a good hearty laugh while I moved to stare at what he had done to me.

As he rubbed his chin, I studied the pink stripe of dye that was now artfully displayed on my cheek. Without much thought, I discreetly dipped my fingers into my jar of blue dye and swiftly turned and landed a swipe on his hand that was still rubbing his chin, his cheek, and even a bit of his hair.

Oops.

Perhaps I had gone a bit too far?

“If I’m gonna have multi-colored hair, guess who else is?” Jimin gritted out playfully. I let out a quiet yelp of horror as he dipped a few fingers into his own dye and came menacingly toward me. “I’m sorry, okay! It was an accident! There’s no need to get even-” I sucked in my breath as he backed me up into the glass door of the shower with no room to escape. “Is there?” I squeaked out tentatively, his breath fanning my eyes with warmth. “Just a little,” He smirked as he plastered the goop of dye onto the back of my bun, effectively spreading it so it would soak in.

I stood there in shock for a few moments before realization kicked in. “You- My hairs gonna be purple now!” He chuckled right into my ear, still surrounding me with his arms. All I could think of was my sweet revenge. The jar of dye wasn’t that far from me, maybe if I just-

"Stay."

My thoughts of grabbing the jar ceased at once and my head jerked up in surprise. I couldn’t see Jimin’s face well enough, so I backed myself flush against the glass door to get a good look at him. His eyes were glazed over and unfocused.

"Please stay."

Agony was rapidly taking over his facial features and it filled me with dread, my stomach sinking. What was going on?

"Please."

His voice went from clear and cheery to hoarse and deep, and it baffled me for a few lingering seconds until he spoke again. "Don't leave me..." He groaned.

As the first tear came down from his left eye, I understood. He was hallucinating. Whether I was a part of his hallucination or not didn't matter. He had taken my pain away from me and temporarily made it his own and for that, I was the most sorry.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jimin. I'm staying right here, see?" I desperately whispered with a trembling voice. How could I have been so selfish to push my problems onto him like this? These were his own demons, but the fact that they were similar to mine only made things that much worse. I would never wish that type of suffering upon anyone.

As I stayed limp against the door, I grabbed his hands in mine.

"I promise."

"Why are you sad?" He questioned, his eyes bleary with tears. I smiled back with threatening tears of my own. "Because of a lot of things."

"Is one of them because I'm a mender?" Jimin was on the verge of hysterical now, searching my eyes frantically, inching closer and crushing me into his chest. I felt the air in my lungs leave and get stuck in my throat. I couldn't breathe.

"I'm sorry! I didn't want to be this way! Forgive me, please. Don't leave me..." Each word, Jimin uttered with heart-wrenching pain and sadness. He felt like glass around me. One false move and he'd break, shattering to the ground in front of me.

And I refused to let that happen.

The twist in my gut of betrayal lingered as I spoke.

"There's nothing to apologize for. Being a mender isn't wrong. It just means you have a good heart and a beautiful soul that others wish they could have, Jimin." An audible inhale above my head could be heard, along with the inflation of his stomach and chest. He was holding his breath.

I looked up into his eyes and gently cupped his cheeks in my hands.

"Listen to me, Jimin. Your secrets safe with me. I won't leave you." I then reached around him with apprehensive and shaking hands, rubbing his back soothingly. The tension seemed to slowly ease away inch by inch at my words, until his breathing became a steady rhythm yet again.

Abruptly, Jimin straightened up and jumped back and away from me with wide eyes.

“W-What’s going on?” He exhaled shakily, looking toward the mirror and not at me.

“I just… You were hallucinating, and I didn’t know what to do to calm you down,” I said hastily, the feeling of dread making its way into my bones.

“Just- Um… You shower first and then I’ll take you home.”

“Jimin, I-”

Before I could say anything else, he turned and closed the door to the bathroom, leaving me alone and confused.

\----------

A knock on the door interrupted my thrilling staring contest with the ceiling.

I sighed and threw my duvet over my face in despair. Staring at the ceiling had only made my brain run in circles, coming to the same conclusion over and over again.

Of course, I already knew the answer. It was there floating around silently, giggling at me softly. I just didn’t want to make the decision I knew I had to.

“Jimin?” A deep voice I recognized far too well resounded against the four walls of my bedroom, the sound of the door closing behind him. “You haven’t gotten up or said a word to anyone since you got back.” His footsteps could be heard approaching the bed, but I didn’t dare say a word. “Are you okay?”

After a few seconds with no response, he sighed and resigned himself to sitting on the bed, but then decided that letting himself fall onto the bed with a thud would be optimal.

“I’ll stay here.”

I stared up at the duvet that still covered my face, my pink hair peeking out through it in the darkness of the room. I was sure that Taehyung had yet to notice the drastic change.

I felt him settle himself, getting more comfortable next to me by the second. I knew he wouldn’t leave me alone. It was better to just tell him what I was feeling, but every time I opened my mouth the words wouldn’t come out.

So, we stayed there in silence for what seemed like half an hour. I thought he had gone to sleep by the time I mustered the courage to mutter my first words since he had come in.

Seemingly sleepy, Taehyung mumbled out a throaty, “What?”

He hadn’t heard me.

I could act as if I had said nothing.

“I fucked up,” I exhaled shakily.

“How?” He questioned, not in the least bit alarmed or any sign of judgment hidden in his tone. Just calm and soothing Tae.

“I fucked it all up, Tae.”

“How?” He repeated.

“I got her involved.”

\----------

“My god. What did you do?!”

I stood there staring off into space as Ji Eun surrounded me like a hawk, eyeing me from every angle she could.

“Can you stop that, I’m not on display,” I grimaced, swatting away the hand that was reaching for my hair. “You too,” I glared.

“You can’t do such a drastic change to yourself and not expect us to be curious,” Hoseok shrugged, successfully holding a piece of purple hair between his fingers. The blue and purple ended up looking nice together, although the reminder of how it happened was far from pleasant.

Just as Hoseok inspected it with newfound interest, I quickly pulled back from them both and turned to walk away when I saw him. The small breathless gasp that left my lips was hardly the reaction that was going on inside my head.

There he was, Park Jimin in all his leather jacket glory with pastel pink hair.

It was my first time seeing him with it. When he had taken me home two days ago, he had used another bathroom to wash out his hair and had swiftly covered it with a beanie, hidden away from my curious eyes.

Maybe it was a good thing that I hadn’t seen it then.

He had never looked so gorgeous and the sight had quite literally stopped me in my tracks. Frozen me in place.

Hoseok was quick to recognize his change in hair color, too. He ran toward Jimin like a bolt of lightning, wasting no time in mussing his hair to tease him. My eyes were rapidly drawn to the small piece of purple that stuck out to the side before Jimin smacked Hoseok’s hand away and fixed it.

Jimin seemed just fine. Little did he know that his composed demeanor made me feel uneasy.

What was worse than all of it, was the conversation that was being had by the time Hoseok and the gang reached Ji Eun and me.

“You guys must have planned this! How did you both change your hair colors at the same time? I mean, you guys even have the same shade of purple!”

Horrified, my anxiety instantly skyrocketing as Jimin searched around until he locked eyes with me - I felt the need to blurt out an excuse. Any excuse would do.

“To be fair, I just dyed half of my hair pastel blue and purple. He dyed all of his pink. Let’s just call it a lucky coincidence?” I rushed out, an awkward laugh bubbling up at the end. Hoseok stared at me incredulously, his eyes warning me so, but decided to let it slide for now. “Anyway, what are you guys doing after class?”

I looked down at my shoes to steady my breathing, only to see a shuffling of boots in my peripheral. I looked up and saw a smiling Jimin clinging onto Hoseok’s shoulder, before side eyeing me. Mouth slightly agape, I observed the fact that he had also cut his hair.

The undercut suited him well, _too_ damn well.

Still lazily holding onto Hoseok, he turned to fully look at me in the eyes once again. His eyes were puffy and red, and I couldn’t help but widen my eyes in concern. Why hadn’t I noticed that earlier? Had he been crying?

Before I could even think of speaking to him, his own eyes sent a warning of defiance and nonchalance. A look that confirmed my worries of the last two days, that what had happened back then had created a rift between us. A stare that told me I shouldn’t worry because it wasn’t any of my business. I bit the inside of my lip and looked down at my shoes once more before walking past him, not bothering to look back at the boy who had stirred up and scrambled my feelings.

If he didn’t want anything to do with me, then the feeling was more than mutual.

I took out my headphones and put them in my ears, quickly pressing shuffle on my phone.

I was used to people leaving by now. As long as it wasn’t Ji Eun or Hoseok, one less person didn’t matter.

_“You know that I can’t_  
Show you me  
Give you me  
I can’t show you my weakness  
So I’m putting on a mask to go see you” 

Good riddance, Park Jimin.

_“But I still want you”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, hasn't it?  
> I apologize! >.<  
> I hope you enjoy the chapter and feel free to leave a comment on what you guys think!  
> I love seeing the theories you guys come up with :)  
> Until next time guys!<3


	13. The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Take my hand  
> And bring me back  
> I’ll risk everything if it’s for you"

I listlessly slid down my seat as I waited for math class to start. I just wasn’t in the mood and I knew my brain wouldn’t be able to process anything. I opted for staring at the whiteboard blankly for a few seconds before grumbling restlessly into my arms. I could hardly even think straight.

“Are you actually sulking?” Taehyung giggled, finally taking the seat next to me. “What’s it to you?” I retorted, sufficiently annoyed by my own brain.

“Oh my god, you’re actually sulking! Was it that hard to do? What did you say?!” I instantly felt his long fingers poking my arms in anticipation. “I’m not telling you,” I replied dispiritedly, secretly basking in the tiny revenge that I could get. “Aw, come on, Jimin!” Taehyung whined, pushing my arms so much he was nearly shoving me off the table. “I didn’t mean to make fun of you…”

“Alright, alright! Just stop trying to push me off!” I straightened up and glared back at the whiteboard while Taehyung leaned over the table to look at me attentively. “Well?”

“I didn’t say anything,” I admitted with a shrug while pouting down at my rings. “What?” Taehyung blurted out disbelievingly. “What do you mean you didn’t say anything? Why are you sulking then?” He eyed me skeptically, leaning back with confusion written all over his face.

My mind was scattered.

My heart was a rioting mess of everything I was feeling.

I had only been partially hallucinating that day at the greenhouse and the way she had hugged me for comfort lingered in my mind and on my skin. It had been the trigger to me understanding exactly how I felt, and it scared me.

And that realization came along with others. Like the fact that I had put her through enough as it was and that I wasn’t any good for her. I knew that much.

But what bothered me from our interaction today was how much we understood each other.

It was baffling.

When did that happen? When did we get to know each other so well?

“Kay, then, I’m calling Ji Eun before class starts. She’ll know.”

I inhaled sharply. “It’s like she knew, Tae. With one single look that I gave her, it’s like she understood everything that I had wanted to tell her. I saw the look on her face when she realized that I wanted nothing to do with her.” I stared at the ring on my thumb that I was rotating, the acknowledgment in her eyes flashing across my mind.

This guilt along with my feelings would be hard to get rid of.

“I hurt her,” I croaked out. “And I feel really horrible abo-”

“You’re telling me that with one look she understood you?” Taehyung looked up from his phone with a seriousness that was rare for him. He searched my eyes and face, his mouth forming a thin line by the time he spoke again. “Are you sure she grasped what you meant?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure. I just… felt it. Look, what I’m trying to say is that-”

“Jimin.”

“What?”

What was with all the questions and why couldn’t I get a word in? He acted like I was missing something vital and it was starting to frustrate me.

“Do you know how many people can understand each other with just one look? Can feel what the other person is feeling? Can feel their sadness?”

“I assume not that many, but it’s-”

“You’re wrong. All of us feel it at some point in our lives. Do you want to know why?”

“Huh?” I felt so lost. My mind was already so scrambled, and he wasn’t making any sense to me. “We feel that when we find our soulmate, Jimin. I felt that when I reunited with Ji Eun before I got my burn mark.”

“Soulmate,” I mumbled as I stared at him in shock. The world around me seemed to blur and I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. “That’s impossible.” Taehyung gave me a glance of worry just as the professor came into the classroom, effectively ending the conversation.

“Impossible.”

I shuddered as tears began to well up in my eyes.

It was impossible and something I didn’t need.

I would just have to rip these feelings out somehow.

\----------

“Right, Ji Eun-” I began, breathing out the little patience I had left. “Yes, yep. I’ll see you tomorrow on the bus.”

I roamed around the front of my dorm complex, reassuring Ji Eun that I’d tell her everything that had happened. Unlike Hoseok who had easily forgotten his suspicion, Ji Eun latched onto the small coincidence like a leech. She didn’t want to let it go and I didn’t have a reason to hide it from her anymore.

I wanted to trust her.

“I mean, why couldn’t you have told me today!? You’re in so much trouble as soon as I set my eyes on you tomorrow! There’s no escaping me, you hear?!”

“Okay, but stop yelling at me! I’ll see you tomorrow!”

She continued her tirade and my mind was filled with too much bullshit to keep up. “Bye! Love you!” I yelled into the phone before hanging up.

I huffed out a tired breath into the mid-September air, feeling the cold chill of autumn creeping up on nights like these. Looking up at the sky, I suddenly wondered what Jimin was doing. The stars reminded me of him, even though he was far brighter than any of them.

“Hey, you’re that girl that bumped into me the other day, right?”

Shocked, I jumped at the sound of someone’s voice cutting through my admiration of the sky. I turned in the direction of where the voice came from only to find a tall shadow a few feet to the left of me.

“Sorry, I just heard someone yelling and got curious,” He smiled shyly as he came into view.

It was the guy with a boulder for a chest. The memory sent a twinge up my spine.

He should really be careful of where he takes that thing.

“Ah! You’re that guy that nearly knocked me out cold,” I blurted. “Ah- I mean- You’re just really… sturdy?” I cringed at how appalling my ability to form sentences around people was. The anxiety was a big part of it, but damn was it humiliating and exhausting.

He raised an eyebrow before bursting into a light melodious laugh and I was brought back to the first time I had talked to Jimin.

Jimin, Jimin, Jimin.

I needed to fucking stop.

“I’ll just… get going then,” I exhaled, any confidence and pride I had left crushed into oblivion.

“Hey, before you go… You live here, right?” He came toward me and I instinctively stepped back. After all, I didn’t know the guy in the slightest. “What if I do?” I challenged. He raised up his hands as if to say he meant no harm, completely amused at how suspicious I was.

“I just wanted to know if you knew someone by the name of Min Yoongi. He lives here. I’ve been waiting for him for a while, but he hasn’t shown up.”

I thought long and hard because the name did sound familiar, but that had been long ago. I hadn’t heard of or seen him for a while. “The name rings a bell, but I honestly don’t think he lives here anymore. I haven’t seen him around in a long time.”

“Oh, is that so?” The stranger's face fell as he took in the information. “Well, thanks for telling me.”

“No problem,” I replied nonchalantly, waving goodbye without a second glance.

\----------

I didn’t have nightmares anymore.

Not a single inkling or sign of them during my sleep. I slept right through the night.

So, when I woke up in a cold sweat for the first time in a while, I began to panic. I tried to remember what could have set it off or what the nightmare had been about, but I kept drawing a blank.

Then the discomfort set in.

Searing, throbbing waves of pain wracked the left side of my shoulder. I was breathing so fast I could hardly catch my breath and my arm was as stiff as a board. “What.. The… Fuck… Is going on,” I huffed out in between breaths, searching for any kind of reason my shoulder and arm would be in this type of pain. None of what was happening was making any sense.

When the throbbing dulled the slightest bit, I slid off my bed and stumbled my way to the dorm bathroom. Walking toward the mirror, I got up on my tip toes and slid my shirt off my shoulder to see if I could find any indication of why it was burning so furiously. As soon as I moved my shirt to the side, lowering it to the point where it burned the most, a scream died in my throat.

I fell to the ground as I shook violently, the involuntary sobbing that ensued taking my mind off the pain for the time being.

This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be.

I stared at the plain tiled walls of the dorm bathroom for what felt like hours.

If these were the cards I was being dealt, I didn’t want them.

I’d fold.

\----------

After laying on the gross tile floor for far too long, I decided it’d be best to take a shower. As much as I wanted to lay on that floor and not move a muscle, other people would eventually come in.

I didn’t want anyone seeing my burn mark.

I had to stifle my yelps each time the water fell onto my left shoulder. And all I could think of as the cold water ran down the curves of the burn was that I’d much rather have the stranger from yesterday’s name burned into my skin than the one I had. Anything but that name.

By the time I finished, it was nearly 5 in the morning.

And I needed someone.

Just this once, I couldn’t deal with it by myself, couldn’t make it temporarily go away with my usual tactics. I wanted Ji Eun’s comfort, but I didn’t have the heart to interrupt the sleep over her and Taehyung were having.

So instead, I crawled into my bed and wrapped myself in blankets until the fatigue caught up with me and I fell asleep.

\----------

“Hoseok, do you know where Yuri is? She wasn’t on the bus today.” Ji Eun was sitting on a bench in the quad, pensive as ever next to an equally concerned Taehyung. I bit my lip in thought, wondering why she wouldn’t be on the bus. Did that mean she ditched? It was unlike her to miss a class. The one thing she seemed to love and keep her at peace was studying.

“No, I don’t have the slightest clue where she could be,” I replied, tilting my head. “I could swing by her dorm later if she doesn’t show. I don’t have anything to do today.”

“That’d be amazing! Thanks, Hobi,” Ji Eun beamed, grabbing Taehyung by the hand and fluttering off to their next class. I stared after them, at the ridiculousness of how they looked. Did Soo Ah and I look like that to other people?

Shaking my head, I decided that I should probably head to class too.

\----------

“Today we’ll be diving into Edgar Allan Poe’s ‘The Fall of the House of Usher.’ I want you all to open the file that I dropped onto the classrooms drive.”

“That guy was crazy. The horror stories and poems he wrote? No way he was the least bit sane.”

“Insanity or genius? What do you think happens when one is lonely? To some, he was creepy and insane, or as you will find out through this lesson on him, he was a genius before his time.”

The subject matter seemed intriguing enough. My father was a literature professor himself, but he had never gone into depth about Edgar Allan Poe.

As I was loading the file, the vibration in my pocket nearly startled me out of my chair. Curious as to who could be texting me, I decided to check before the lecture started.

At the sight of the text, it was a miracle that I didn’t drop my phone right then and there.

 

**Yuri**

_Hoseok, I know you’re busy,_

_but I didn’t know who else to go to._

_Can I see you?_

**1:37 pm**

 

For Yuri to reach out for anything at all was a rarity, and it chilled my bones. It must be something urgent.

I didn’t hesitate as I shot up from my computer desk and packed up my things, running out of the room as the professor stared at my retreating figure. The fear that I felt building up in my chest was the same as when I first found her.

It hurt to think that she could possibly revert to such a state, but that was just negative thinking.

All I needed to do was get to her first.

\----------

“Yuri!?” I screamed into the phone speaker unnecessarily, “Yuri! Where the hell are you?! You know I can’t get into your dorm!”

“I’ll be right down,” Was all she replied before hanging up. As I caught my breath from running all the way to her dorm, I analyzed the situation. She seemed a bit off, but she didn’t sound horrible. If she made me miss my class on Edgar Allan Poe for some petty shit, she was going to get an earful.

“Hoseok,” She yelled shrilly. I looked up from the ground and saw Yuri standing at the entrance, holding the wall for support. She was pale, and her hair was sticking to her face and neck.

“Jesus Christ,” I huffed under my breath as I ran to her swiftly and grabbed her by the waist so she’d lean all her weight on to me. The fear that I had tentatively felt was now omnipresent.

“What’s going on?! You look like death!” I exclaimed, scanning the sweat on her forehead that only seemed to be increasing. “Wow, thanks,” She rolled her eyes, mumbling, “This is why Ji Eun’s my favorite.”

“Hey, if she’s your favorite, why did you ask me then? I’ll leave!” I threatened, feeling the slightest bit of relief that she could still joke around in this kind of state. Yuri stayed quiet for a few seconds before speaking up again.

“I don’t really know. She just looks so happy these days and I didn’t have the heart to get in the way of it.”

“Once again, who do you think I am?! Is my happiness not important?” I asked, appalled. “Look, I know you have your soulmate, too! I’m just, I don’t know. I just felt like you’d be the best person to go to.”

“If you say so.”

“I do.”

“Okay, well, what-”

Before I could get my sentence out, I felt her put her full weight on me as she lost consciousness.

\----------

The ceiling above me swirled as I turned over in my sleep. My bed was absurdly comfortable, and I hugged the pillow to the right of me, squeezing it into my chest and snuggling it with a sigh. It was so soft. I’d imagine this is what a cloud would feel like if you hugged it.

But something struck me.

Why was everything so soft and comfy? My dorms bed springs dug into my spine like a bitch.

Just then, something cold abruptly touched the skin of my forehead and my eyes shot open promptly at the sensation.

“You. Explain. I had to drag you to my apartment because security wouldn’t let me into your dorm, no matter how much I argued that you lived there!”

It was Hoseok and he was beyond pissed.

“Hoseok, not right now,” I whined, the dull ache of my shoulder beginning to burn intensely again.

“Yuri,” He spoke softly. I looked up at him and saw the worry eating at him. This was exactly why I didn’t ask people for help. I couldn’t help the tinge of guilt that I felt for making him worry so much without an ounce of explanation.

“Okay,” I huffed through the burning, sitting up and feeling the anxiety building in my stomach. Letting Hoseok into my world would put him in danger and I had never wanted that, but I knew that I could only hide everything from him and Ji Eun for so long.

“Where do I even start,” I laughed unbelievably.

After a few seconds of silence, Hoseok retracted the cold towel from my forehead and sighed. “How about why you passed out on me, maybe?” He said with a tinge of annoyance, but I knew he meant well. “You’re right. I- You know what… It’s just better if you see it for yourself. Promise not to scream, though.” Hoseok nodded enthusiastically, a little confusion painted in between his brows as I lowered my shirt down my left arm and turned around.

The scandalized gasp that left his mouth was all I needed in confirmation that this was real. This was happening, whether I wanted it or not.

“You- When- With Jimin?! Of all people?” He whisper-yelled, coming closer on the bed to examine my burn mark. “Yuri, this looks so bad,” He muttered, running his finger around the inflamed edges lightly. “It’s not healing?”

“Who knows if he’ll even get his, or when. I’d prefer he didn’t,” I laughed lightly before looking back at Hoseok, who was now staring at my burn mark with a furious intensity. “I’m not following,” He shook his head, biting the dead skin of his index fingers cuticle. “Why the hell not? I don’t want you suffering like this! He should get it soon. He _needs_ to get it soon,” He stated with such finality that tears welled up as I turned towards him again.

How I wished things were that simple.

“It’s not something we can control and unfortunately my case is a little different than yours or Ji Eun’s. I might suffer for a while. But promise me one thing, Hoseok. You can’t tell him anything. Promise me.” Staring him dead in the eyes, I raised my pinky and hoped he would agree. Jimin finding out that I was his supposed soulmate was something I didn’t need getting out, especially if things didn’t play out how they were supposed to.

“Explain to me why I can’t, and I’ll agree,” He said, firmly standing his ground. He evidently didn’t understand why I was rejecting the idea of a soulmate and I should have known he’d want an explanation, even though it was one I would never be ready to give.

I nodded and lowered my hand, taking in a deep breath. The anxiety had built up so much it was now roiling inside of my stomach, making me nauseous. I didn’t have a clue how to start. So, I settled for showing him my burn mark again.

He looked back down at where my burn mark should have been. “O-Oh! Oh my god! Why is it gone?! How-” He yelped, pointing at where the burn mark had been. I felt it reappear instantly, searing into my skin painfully as if brand new. He ogled my shoulder a bit longer before he looked up at me, concern warping his features. “What’s going on, Yuri? What am I missing?”

Not being able to stand it any longer, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“I’m not normal, Hoseok. I’m defected. Do you know what that is?” I glanced up from my fingers to look at him, but he only seemed more bewildered than ever. I breathed in again. “It’s kind of like I’m a mender, but not really. I like to think it’s more like I’m half a mender. I’m basically a freak with healing abilities. Abilities most menders don’t even have.”

Hoseok just continued to stare at me without uttering a word, and the cold sweat started to build at the back of my neck and forehead. My palms weren’t any better.

“I… Didn’t think I’d ever have a soulmate because of that fact, to be quite honest. Like an idiot, I used to wonder when I’d get my burn mark even though from what I’d heard, defected who get them have many problems with their partner. Some of their partners never even get their burn mark or get someone else as a soulmate entirely.” I took in a shaking breath and looked up at the ceiling. “That’s why you can’t tell him anything, Hoseok. I can’t put him through that uncertainty.”

Hoseok sat there across from me on his fluffy bedspread with a devastated expression on his face.

“I don’t know why I ever wanted to get mine so badly. It’s just painful and awful all around,” I mumbled. “Because we all want to love and be loved,” He shot back without hesitation.

Had he not heard anything that I’d just told him? Wasn’t he the least bit weirded out, disgusted even?

“And look at you, suffering so much for someone who doesn’t even know with how much love you’re willing to protect them with.” The glint in his eyes and the gentle smile he was shining down on me told me he was proud. Of what, I had no clue. “I know I can’t change your mind, though. I won’t say a word, I promise.” He grabbed my pinky and flashed a brighter smile in my direction.

My heart swelled with hope in that moment, but there was still something else.

“That’s not all, I-”

I inhaled the courage I needed because I knew that I was asking a lot of him. What if he couldn’t handle it?

“Knowing that I’m defected could put you and everyone you love in danger Hoseok. I’m sorry that I didn’t start out with that important fact.” I observed the slight fall in his smile as it all sunk in for him. “But please,” My voice trembled as the tears began to flow. “Please don’t hate me for being what I am. I can’t help it and I’m sorry I never told you.”

I immediately felt arms wrap around me in such comforting warmth that I exhaled into a hysterical fit of sobs, no longer holding back all the emotions I had bottled up inside.

“How could I possibly ever hate you,” Hoseok whispered, his voice cracking. “Don’t you ever think that again! You are so special to me, Yuri and none of this defected, soulmate bullshit that I don’t know much about will change that.”

All I could do was sob harder at his words.

He didn’t know much yet, but he was still willing to be my friend. Be there for me.

“I love you, okay?”

“I love you, too.”

And it meant the world to me.

A different ache appeared around my heart then, an empty one that I had felt before. A sort of deja vu.

Sudden banging on the door, followed by a click and voices made its way into my ears. At first, I couldn’t quite make out the voices or what was going on. But then I heard it. His voice cut through my fog like a knife.

I guess I should have known better because my burn mark had stopped hurting for a while now.

“Hoseok, we heard someone crying and we got worried. I told Tae not to interfere, but he just busted the door open before I could-”

Hoseok and I were still hugging each other awkwardly, obviously shocked at the current situation, especially after all that I had just told him.

“Why is she here?” Taehyung questioned as Jimin stared me down. Hoseok was quick to pull up my shirt to cover my burn mark completely.

Without a single word, Jimin grabbed Taehyung by the hood of his sweater and forcefully dragged him out, slamming the door shut behind them.

I felt my chest heaving in panic as I asked, “What the fuck are they doing here?”

“They live here with me. I didn’t think it was a problem until now.”

_Fuck._

\----------

“Doesn’t he have a soulmate? What was he doing with Yuri? I mean, she had her shirt in a weird position, don’t you think?!” Taehyung shot off, not having any mercy with the thoughts that were also flowing through my mind.

“I don’t know, Tae!” I shouted, sitting down on my bed and running my fingers through my hair. “They’re friends. It could be anything and it’s really none of our business.” I stared at him with as much disinterest as I could muster, the thoughts in my head screaming otherwise.

“It became your business the minute you started liking her. Or are you that dense? Wake up, Jimin!” Taehyung threw his hands up into the air before storming off.

“What the fuck do you know,” I gritted through my teeth before falling back onto my bed, finding every ounce of strength in me not to cry.

It felt like my chest was slowly caving in.

She looked unwell and had obviously been crying, but I had no right to get involved any more than this.

I had to keep my distance.

\----------

After the unplanned disaster visit to Hoseok’s apartment, he snuck me out while everyone was in their rooms momentarily and took me home. My left shoulder only continued to fluctuate in pain levels thanks to my healing abilities, the burning sensation flaring up from time to time unpredictably.

It seemed that the farther in proximity I was from Jimin, the more it flared up painfully, but I couldn’t help that he wanted nothing to do with me.

And as I sat in class the next day, Minji just had to open her mouth during one of my said flare-ups.

“You don’t look so good there, Yuri. Something the matter?” She asked condescendingly. I stayed silent, gripping my phone and wishing the pain to dull even the slightest amount. Wishing for Jimin to at least be on campus so that I could breathe a little easier.

I eyed the passage we were supposed to be reading for literature, but nothing was sticking to me. I read it repeatedly, but the words were just jumbled gibberish in my head. After a minute of futile attempts, I felt a sharp pain shoot up my shin and quickly realized that she had just kicked me with the tip of her heel. “I’m talking to you.”

“Fuck you Minji,” I gritted out. “It’s none of your fucking business, as usual.” I returned to the passage I was attempting to understand again. “Your boyfriend Hoseok isn’t here. Is that what’s upsetting poor little Yuri?”

The burning in my left shoulder intensified, no signs of subsiding any time soon.

I couldn’t be here.

Holding back the tears that threatened to spill from the agony I felt, I got up and grabbed my bag.

“A mistake like you should leave for good.” I stiffened at her words. It wasn’t that they hurt me, but the fact that they sounded knowing. Did she know something about me?

I stalked off, the bitterness of everything suddenly starting to get to me.

I was growing tired of it all.

Maybe she was right.

Maybe I should disappear.

\----------

Headphones blasting in my ears, I sat in the quad on a bench, the flare-up having dulled as soon as I got out of the building.

Jimin must be close.

I took my gaze up to the mid-day sky. Above all else, I was so damn sleepy. The flare-ups didn’t let me get a wink of sleep last night. And I didn’t quite remember exactly when I had fallen asleep on the bench, but when I woke up I felt no pain.

I rubbed my eyes with my palms, wiping away the sleep that I still felt clinging onto my eyelids. It didn’t help much. I flopped my head to the left lazily, still finding no signs of pain when I quickly realized why.

I probably looked like I was about to die, but my heart felt like it had jumped into my throat and was beating so intensely that I might as well have.

Jimin was sitting two benches away from me, blue leather jacket in full effect, curled into himself as he looked in my direction. I blinked several times to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming, that I wasn’t hallucinating what I wished to be in front of me. My chest felt like it was going to burst because he wasn’t looking away. It was far too conceited of me to think it was me he was looking at, but the thought was there. And even though I wished I could run up to him and start a conversation or at the least smile in his direction, I knew it just wasn’t possible.

I would respect his decision.

So, with an aching heart and dread at the pain I would feel, I got up from the bench and walked away from him.

It didn’t take long for the searing pain to reappear, but it didn’t matter anymore.

This was my life now.

_“Crumbled, wept, blossomed, and dissolved, this hope  
So blinded, I can’t see the end”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back much sooner than expected!  
> The inspiration for this story was just too real.  
> But when will the suffering end?  
> I guess we'll find out soon :}  
> Thank you for reading and commenting. I'll work hard to make this a story that you all can enjoy until the end!  
> Until next time, adios! x


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